Poor Mojo's Almanac(k)
RANT ARCHIVES
What I Really Want to See On Television
by Jim Therkalsen

Wit Inspirations Of The "Two-Year-Olds"
by Mark Twain

Quite Rich
by Gordon Smith and Erik Garner Warren

Don't Let Them Kid You, It'll Be Back Next Year.
by Jim Oliver

The Invention of the English
by David Erik Nelson

Brittany, We're Coming to Get You
by James P. Miller

Britney Spears has Big Boobs
by Gordon Smith

I Dated a Playboy Playmate
by Ellen Hayes

Kill! Kill! Kill! No Mercy For the Masses!
by Gordon Smith

Why Do All These Bands Have Numbers in Their Names?
by Jason Michael

Mistakes Were Made
by Erik Garner Warren

Devil's Night
by M@LONE

Voting Is For Suckers
by Gordon Smith

Why Doesn't Anyone Love Me?
by Jason Michael

A Modest Proposal
for preventing the children of poor people in Ireland, from being a burden on their parents or country, and for making them beneficial to the publick.

by Dr. Jonathan Swift

Page 617 from the Poor Mojo Special Services Exam:
Qualification Exam Relevant for Levels X to OP13

by the PMjA Staff

On the French and their Friggin Chickens
A Letter from a Provencal Kitchen

by Sarah Whitney Womack

Here's What I Hate About Christmas: All the Fucking Naysayers.
by Anne Marie Ellison

Here's What I Hate About Christmas: All the Fucking Gentiles
by Erik Garner Warren

Here's What I Hate About Christmas: Erik Garner Warren is a Jerk
by the PMjA Staff

Warning: Excessive Use May Result in Loss of Motor Skills
by Jessica Dzwigalski

That Was One Boring Apocalypse
by Gordon Smith

What's With All These Zombies?
by Morgan Johnson

It's All Jim Lehrer's Fault
by Sara Schneider and Fritz Swanson

Musings After Overtime at the Porn Factory
by Luke Bruhns

Page 707 from the Poor Mojo Special Services Exam:
Qualification Exam Relevant for Levels X to OP13

by the PMjA Staff

Finland, Finland Uber Alles
by Gordon Smith

Protocols of the Elders of Sweden
by Terence S. Hawkins

Trains
by Fritz Swanson

Punk Lyrics from the Unlikeliest of Places
by Andrew McDevitt

Advice to Little Girls
by Mark Twain

Showers of Living Things
by Charles Hoy Fort

Live Nude Girls
by Luke Bruhns

If You Come Only Once, You've Been Cheated: A Post-Structuralist Examination of the Hegemony of the "Pure" and "Sordid"[1]
by lolly@biperson.com (annotations by the PMjA Staff)

Perfect Day
by Lucas Kovar

Dear Mr. Brooks:
An Open Letter to That Guy Who Wrote That Fucking Article in the Atlantic Monthly

by Cara Jeanne Spindler

The Danger of Lying in Bed
by Mark Twain

Electron Band Structure In Germanium, My Ass
by Lucas Kovar

Clitoris: The Anatomical Gerund
by Presley Waits

I Have Precious Little Indie Cred
by Jason Michael

What Greatly Displeases Me in the Current Executive Administration
by Sally McBootykins (formerly known as the Giant Squid)

Of The Impediments of Knowledge in Handling It by Parts, And in Slipping Off Particular Sciences from the Root and Stock of Universal Knowledge, Being the 8th Chapter, The Whole Chapter.
(from Valerius Terminus)

by Sir Francis Bacon

Page 319 from the Poor Mojo Special Services Exam:
Qualification Exam Relevant for Levels X to OP13

by the PMjA Staff

Page 321 from the Poor Mojo Special Services Exam:
Qualification Exam Relevant for Levels X to OP13

by the PMjA Staff

The Retail Manifesto, part one
by Johnny Retail

The Retail Manifesto, part two
If the Customer is Always Right, You Can Suck My Cock

by Gordon Smith

On John Irving
by Fritz Swanson

The Retail Manifesto, part three
Not to Beat a Dead Horse, But Please . . .

by Sara Schneider

In Praise of Close-Mindedness
A Manifesto for the Thoughtful Asshole

by Lucas Kovar

I Am a Bootlicker
by MLQ3

The Bisexuality FAQ
by "Q" and "A"

Poor Mojo is One Year Old!
by the PMjA Staff

My Summer Vacation
by Terence S. Hawkins

My, Has She Ever Aged Shamefully
by Jason Kirk

Hobbits Liked to Have Books Filled with Things They Already Knew:
Reflections on a Post-Soviet Kazakhstan

by Erik Garner Warren

Hobbits Liked to Have Books Filled with Things They Already Knew:
Further Reflections on a Post-Soviet Kazakhstan

by Erik Garner Warren

What Should be in *Your* Submission?
by the PMjA Staff

My Summer Vacation Redux
by Terence S. Hawkins

The Pleasure of Being Down
a thirty-three dollar rant

by Fritz Swanson

We Whistlers in the Graveyard
by David Erik Nelson

On the Difficulty on Ascertaining Normal and Recognizing Costumes (a field study)
a thirty-three dollar rant

by Morgan Johnson

911 or Gulf Wars Chapter II: America Strikes Back
by Gordon Smith

Perhaps Hopping Colts
From The Book of the Damned

by Charles Hoy Fort

Recycled Christmas: One Family's Revolution Against the Shopping Mall
by Brian Smith

I Have This Fucked Up New Job
by Rob Miller

The Promise
by Manuel L. Quezon III

What I Don't Want for Christmas,
or The Johnny Retail Xmas Rant.

by Johnny Retail

By Krakatoa
From The Book of the Damned

by Charles Hoy Fort

On Cheese: A Filipino Restaurateur Reflects on Law and Order
by Clinton Palanca

My Watch: An Instructive Little Tale
by Mark Twain

Two Bodies
from Wild Talents

by Charles Hoy Fort

Information Wanted
by Mark Twain

My New Job Is WAY More Fucked Up Than I Thought
by Rob Miller

Living On the Moon
by Fritz Swanson

"Pussy Bomb" Latest Threat Says Ashcroft, FBI
by Terence S. Hawkins

Any Country That Calls It Grog Is OK in My Book
by David Bricker

An Argument from the Nonviolent Liberal
by Amy Barbour

A Rebuttal for the Nonviolent Liberal
by Ralph the Airborne Ranger

St. Joeseph and the Fish Flies
by Ralph the Airborne Ranger

Batteries
by b.

Kill the Karaoke Singer
by Manuel L. Quezon III

A Rebuttal for the "Airborne Fucking Ranger"
by Georgia Blake

A Rebuttal for Johnny Retail
by Tom Plain-and-Tall

Shuffle Your Own Damn Papers
by Nicole Boback

Toward a Unified Theory of Touch
by Manish Raiji

The Problem of Evil
by J.E.C.

A Rebuttal for A Rebuttal of A Rebuttal . . . i think this has gone too far
by Ralph the Airborne Ranger

Another Church Shocker: "Fuck It!" Says Resigning Cardinal
by Terence S. Hawkins

The Problem of Communism; or Why It's Bad To Have an MBA as President
by J.E.C.

Capitalist Pigs Deserve No More Moral Clarity Than the Rest of Us
by Pappy Hants

The Idiot's Guide to Attila the Hun
by Claire King

Don't Fear the Reefer
by J.E.C.

The Madness of King George
by J.E.C.

Motion to Stipulate my RIGHT AND DUTY TO LIVE ON THIS EARTH A LONG AND HAPPY LIFE (with Four Wives), and to Stop This Judge Misrepresenting My Fight for Life
by Zacarias Moussaoui

Practical Advice for the Tragic Poet
by Aristotle

1001 Uses for a Container
by Morgan Johnson

A Letter on the subject of DAYLIGHT SAVING To THE AUTHORS of The Journal of Paris
by Benjamin Franklin

Ruth Handler: Death Of A Tit Man
by Terence S. Hawkins

My Kid Sister Has Cancer
by David Erik Nelson

Sympathy
by Nicole Boback

Geronimo's Mightiest Battle
by Geronimo

Is There A Retard Specialist In the House?
by Terence S. Hawkins

The Curious Republic Of Gondour
by Mark Twain

Lincoln's Last Speech
by Abraham Lincoln

A Memory
by Mark Twain

The Last Time I Saw bin Laden
by David Pacheco

How I Became a Printer in Philadelphia (from his Autobiography)
by Benjamin Franklin

The New Gender Politics of Draining the Lizard
by Terence S. Hawkins

Nostalgia
by Fritz Swanson

On the Meaning of Thanksgiving;
the full text of a speech given by the Giant Squid to the assembled orphans of Our Lady of Fatima.

by the Giant Squid

CrapLongStories.com: where publishing might go, you know, maybe
by Fritz Swanson

Train Baron Appointed Treasury Secretary; Collection Of 19th Century Cliches Now Complete
by Fritz Swanson

Honey I Shrank My Pants
by Radhika Sharma

A Selection of Christmas Headlines
collected by the PMjA Staff

Coming of the White Men
by Geronimo

Why I Propose to Wrest Control of This "Almanac(k)" From it's Filthy, Simian Purveyors; How I shall Accomplish the Deed; and How You, the Fair Reader, shall Benefit
by Architeuthis dux (the Giant Squid)

Just a Maryland Moment
by Manish Raiji

How Can A Man Smoke Without An Ashtray?
by Manish Raiji

Apple Breaks It Down Old School, Pushes Forward, Screams, Break-Dances And Then Sets Itself On Fire.
by Our Reporter

We Hate Fun
by Old People

OK, So I Totally Stepped In It This Time. Totally.
by Rob Miller

With Regards To The Study And The Manufacture Of Art And Literature
by Fritz Swanson

Feels Like I'm Fixing to Die
by David Erik Nelson

Remarks Concerning the Savages of North America
by Benjamin Franklin

How to Write a Popular Play
by George Bernard Shaw

The Funeral Oration (Including Sundry Observations of Democracy and Athens)
by Pericles of Athens

I Got My Man-Titties At Krispy Kreme!
by Terence S. Hawkins

About This Whole "Ode to the Love's Lost" Thing
by Rob Miller

The Mouth-Breather I Work With Keeps Smelling My Hair
by Molly Reynolds

I Dated a Playboy Playmate (part 1 of 2)
By Ellen Hayes

I Dated a Playboy Playmate (part 2 of 2)
By Ellen Hayes

The Day Titanic Drowned
by Tom Sheehan

Girls, Girls, Girls
by ivica

Tobacco and Liquor
by ivica

Information to Those Who Would Remove to America
by Benjamin Franklin

How To Tell A Story
by Mark Twain

David Nelson is Dead
by David Erik Nelson

Now Corporations Claim The "Right To Lie"
by Thom Hartmann

Revenge of the Jedi: Starting to Think About Where Copyright is Getting Us (part 1 of 2)
by Fritz Swanson
6-19-2003

Revenge of the Jedi: Starting to Think About Where Copyright is Getting Us (part 2 of 2)
by Fritz Swanson
6-26-2003

Wacky Iraqi Pinochle
by Alan C. Baird
7-3-2003

In The Event Of Moon Disaster
by Richard Milhous Nixon
7-10-2003

In the Event of Space Monkey Hyperevolution
by Dwight David Eisenhower
7-17-2003

Lunch Lady Memoirs
by Leah Stephens
7-24-2003

Next to West Virginia
by John Sheirer
7-31-2003

Your Librarian Hates You!
by r.wade
8-7-2003

Political Selections from:
THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY (part 1 of 2)

by Ambrose Bierce
(Abridged in 2003 for Modern Readers and Those with Taste and Grit by Morgan Johnson)
8-14-2003

Political Selections from:
THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY (part 2 of 2)

by Ambrose Bierce
(Abridged in 2003 for Modern Readers and Those with Taste and Grit by Morgan Johnson)
8-21-2003

Am I still An Unpatriotic Traitor?
by Ed Hanratty
8-28-2003

For Sale: My Tattoo
by M.P.
9-4-2003

Operation: Downy Fresh; True Story Of An MP Mission In Iraq
by Luke Bruhns
9-11-2003

Roseville is Killing Me
by Luke Bruhns
9-18-2003

So, I'm Living in Small-town Middle America Again
by Fritz Garner Swanson
9-25-2003

My Diva Hospitality Demands
by Lucia Tomato
10-2-2003

Briefly, On the Nature of Love and, Thus, Sexuality
(a brief selection from Plato's Symposium)

by Aristophanes, via Aristodemus, who passed it on to Apollodorus, who in turn told Plato who now tells Us
10-9-2003

Theoderic, King of the USA
by Fritz Garner Swanson
10-30-2003

A Guide to Charging the Mound;
How to Win, No Matter What

by Jason Polan
12-18-2003

Briefly Regarding the Heuristics of Self and Other and the Ramifications on the Self-Ideation of Economic Personhood: The Parable Of The Copper Pennies
by G. David Schwartz
12-18-2003

Drunken Librarian Hits Fundraiser With Crotch On Fire
by the Hot Librarian
12-25-2003

Love Me Some Death Money Ecstasy
by Our Anonymous Friend in the Sand
1-1-2004

Remember: In response to Our Anonymous Friend in the Sand's "Death Money Ecstasy."
by Morgan Johnson
1-8-2004

George W. Bush, Our First Hip-Hop President
by Fritz Swanson
1-15-2004

Living On the Moon
by Fritz Swanson
1-22-2004

Road Rage
by Terence S. Hawkins
1-29-2004

Bad Dreams
by Fritz Swanson
2-5-2004

I'm the Exact Same Height as the One-time Democratic Front-Runner; please listen to me because this fact makes me very important
by Fritz Swanson
2-12-2004

Imperial America Gets Bit in the Ass.
by Malone
2-19-2004

Equal Opportunity Offenders; Or, There's No Littlest Defense like a Good Littlest Offense
by Sarah Whitney Womack
2-26-2004

The Punk Rock Show
by Malone
3-4-2004

Pop Quiz
apperently by Molly Reynolds' Elder Nephew's Science Teacher
3-11-2004

The Feminine Mind
by H.L. Mencken
3-18-2004

Women's Intelligence
by H.L. Mencken
3-25-2004

legitimate beef
by Jason Dulde
4-1-2004

NPR Allows Caller to Put His Dick in My Ear, Parts I & II
by Pappy Hants
4-8-2004

The Masculine Bag of Tricks
by H.L. Mencken
4-15-2004

Report on Government for Western Territory; March 1, 1784
by Thomas Jefferson
5-6-2004

Why Women Fail
by H.L. Mencken
5-13-2004

An E-Mail
by Manish Tushar Raiji
5-20-2004

The Great French Duel (part 1 of 2)
by Mark Twain
5-27-2004

The Great French Duel (part 2 of 2)
by Mark Twain
6-3-2004

Brittany Mary-Kate and Ashley, We're Coming to Get You
by James P. Miller and the PMjA Staff
6-10-2004

How Not to Write
by Jenny Wright
6-17-2004

The Thing Called Intuition
by H.L. Mencken
6-24-2004

On the Decay of the Art of Lying (part 1 of 2)
by Mark Twain
7-1-2004

Scheme for a New Alphabet and a Reformed Mode of Spelling
by Benjamin Franklin
7-8-2004

On the Decay of the Art of Lying (part 2 of 2)
by Mark Twain
7-15-2004

Stupidity: Its Uses & Abuses
by Robert Levin
7-22-2004

The Thing Called Intuition
by H.L. Mencken
7-29-2004

How Marriages are Arranged
by H.L. Mencken
8-5-2004

I Want a Ninja.
by Admiral Studmuffin of the HMS Hotass
9-2-2004

Men as Aesthetes
by H.L. Mencken
9-9-2004

The Male Beauty
by H.L. Mencken
9-16-2004

The Somnambulists
by Jack London
9-23-2004

Some Thoughts on the Science of Onanism
by Mark Twain
9-30-2004

Letter From Sudan #1: Arrival (part one)
by Krista Ahmed
10-7-2004

Letter From Sudan #1: Arrival (part two)
by Krista Ahmed
10-14-2004

Letter From Sudan #1: Arrival (part three)
by Krista Ahmed
10-21-2004

Concerning The Latino Community of Zhuzhou, China (A PMjA Dispatch from Abroad)
by Max Montesino
10-28-2004

Smokestack City (A PMjA Dispatch from Abroad)
by Max Montesino
11-4-2004

A Letter to the Editors, in Celebration of PMjA Issue #200
by Jason Polan
11-11-2004

The Shrinkage of the Planet
by Jack London
11-18-2004

Presidential Thanks-To-Giving Address, Novembrus 2004
by the Giant Squid, President elect
11-25-2004

A Suicide Note In A Sewing Table
by David Erik Nelson
12-2-2004

Professor Dingell's Night Out (A Photo-Essay)
by Terrence McWee
12-9-2004

In Defense of the Hare
by P.F. Loyd
12-16-2004

The Terrors of Santa Claus (A Photo-Essay)
by Terrence McWee
12-23-2004

Dinner Chatter
by J. R. Salling
12-30-2004

The Year in Hate
by Morgan Johnson
1-6-2005

The Yellow Peril
by Jack London
1-13-2005

The Giant Squid's Inaugural Address, Januarius 20, 2005
by the Giant Squid, President of the United States of America
1-20-2005

A Neglected Anniversary
by H.L. Mencken
1-27-2005

Becoming an American after Having Been Born One
By Fritz Swanson
2-3-2005

Squid Of The Union Address
transcribed by Rob Miller,
Lab Assistant and Press Secretary to President Architeuthis dux
of the United States of America
2-10-2005

Thanksgiving & Dark Hungers: Flesh, Guns and Blood
by David Erik Nelson
2-17-2005

Tianjin Rock City (A PMjA Dispatch from Abroad)
by Max Montesino
2-24-2005

Dan Murphy
or
The Irish Are Luckless Bastards, and Their Wives Cheap As Hell!

by Mark Twain
3-3-2005

Sasquatch Math
by J. Sallini-Genovese
3-10-2005

Our Superman, Ourselves; my realization upon reading the Superman is a Dick archive
by Morgan Johnson
3-17-2005

Diarrhea and the Lord: A Primer
by Erik Garner Warren
3-24-2005

Fertility's End
by Alan Benard
3-31-2005

PMjA Staff Living Wills
by the PMjA Staff
4-7-2005

Ass-hole!
(An Anonymous Rant)

by some maniac who has my home address, shared by Alan Benard
4-14-2005

Why the "Huffington Report" Can't Work
by Fritz Swanson
4-21-2005

The Half-Life of Shame
by David Erik Nelson
4-28-2005

Open Letter to Anyone Who Gives a Shit About Justice
by Ajai Raj
5-5-2005

Last Words: A Short Essay on Democracy
by H.L. Mencken
5-12-2005

Chiropractic
by H.L. Mencken
5-19-2005

Coochie Blasters!
or,
Thirteen Ways of Viewing Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation

by Kurt Nadie
5-26-2005

Expository
by Fritz Swanson
6-2-2005

Aphids
by Nolan Sen-Snow
6-9-2005

Flag Day: Schools Should Not Teach Kids To Verbally Fellate Flags
(with Addendum)

by Rex Curry, Attorney At Law
(addendum by David Erik Nelson, Editor, PMjA)
6-16-2005

These Bones Shall Rise Again
by Jack London
6-23-2005

So You Want To Review Porn Films
by Talia Heighman
6-30-2005

This I Believe: Profiles in Courageous Americanism, pt 1.
Armstrong on the Moon

by the Giant Squid
Architeuthis rex mundi
President of these United States
7-7-2005

The Blind Accordion Player
by Jason Polan
7-14-2005

Why We Aren't Stealing Music
by the PMjA Staff
7-21-2005

The Newswire Challenge
by Morgan Johnson
7-28-2005

Dispatch from a Writer's Retreat in Minnesota
by Cara Spindler
8-4-2005

Morning Sickness
by Sara Swanson
8-11-2005

To Anyone Who Has Ever Visited An Amusement Park. Hell, To Anyone Who Has Ever Purchased A Product.
by Christopher John McLouth
8-18-2005

It Was Wet Outside And Everybody Was Carrying Heavy Things
by Jason Polan
8-25-2005

Maybe Insane Japanese Robot-Alien-Mythical-Monstrous Fuck Comics Have Got It Right
by M/C
9-1-2005

Yeats on New Orleans, from Beyond the Grave
by David Erik Nelson
9-8-2005

Killing In The Land Of Make Believe
by Jeremy Cope
9-15-2005

Is The Right All That's Left?
by Luke Bruhns
9-22-2005

Evening the Score When Playing the Race Card
by Milton Gray
9-29-2005

You Are Bidding On A Mistake
by Brian Sack
10-6-2005

Killing in the Land of Roseville
by Milton Gray
10-13-2005

The Aristocrats
by Kurt Nadie
10-20-2005

A Response: Milton Gray Doesn't Get It (But then again, neither do Rachel Maddow, Tucker Carlson, or Chuck D)
by Pappy Hants
10-27-2005

A True Rosa Parks Story, From My Mom
by Morgan Johnson
11-3-2005

Why Free Stuff From The Internet Is A Bad Idea
or
Why Do I Do Stupid Things To Myself?

by Jessica Longo
11-10-2005

Industrial Espionage and the World's Greatest Sangria Recipe
by Morgan Johnson
11-17-2005

Dumped by Boyfriend--Selling his Tool
by Pamela Blackmon
11-24-2005

My WalMart Issues
by Sylvia J Adams
12-1-2005

Life and Death and Electromagnetic Radiation
by David Erik Nelson
12-8-2005

Pricing Paradigms
by Eric Howerton
12-15-2005

It's Okay For Me To Be Happy
by Gwendolyn Joyce Mintz
12-22-2005

Gym Etiquette: For Those Who Don't Know Or Don't Care
by Charles Clifford Brooks III
12-29-2005

Super Sensitive Human Beings
by Melissa Nation
1-5-2006

Read This And I Own Your Brain
by Noah Berlatsky

Things We Need
by Fritz Swanson
1-19-2006

On What It Feels Like To Have A Large-Ish Tumor Cut Out Of Your Back When You Are Awake
by Morgan Johnson
1-26-2006

In Praise of Bruce Springsteen
by Sarah Erdreich
2-2-2006

Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Pop-ularity
by Noah Berlatsky
2-9-2006

Hoopla On Frey
by P.L. George
2-16-2006

The Finest Machine-Generated Joke Ever
by Terrence McWee
2-23-2006

In His Image
Leslie Wolter
3-2-2006

The Tale of the Drunk Immigrant in Spain
by Irma Cedeño
3-9-2006

Sinister Jokes as Koans
by David Erik Nelson
3-16-2006

The Penis is an Oppressor
by Leslie Wolter
3-23-2006

The Most Depressing Place on Earth
by Len Baron
3-30-2006

A Wasted Education And The Rest
by Danny Bernardi
4-6-2006

Sorry, Bukowski
by P.L. George
4-13-2006

Month to Month
by Sarah Erdreich
4-20-2006

About Smells
by Mark Twain
4-27-2006

Three Signs Of The End Times
by David Erik Nelson
5-4-2006

De Thaumaturgia
by Aleister Crowley
5-11-2006

G-Strings, Thongs and Panties
by April Tierney
5-25-2006

The Law of Liberty
by Aleister Crowley
6-1-2006

Briefly on What's Wrong with Gay Marriage
by David Erik Nelson
6-8-2006

Two American Latinas Seeking Adventure in Morocco; What They Found
by Irma Cedeño
6-15-2006

The Approaching Epidemic
by Mark Twain
6-22-2006

Confessions of a Hypochondriac
by Sarah Flake
6-29-2006

Of Eden and the Sacred Oak
by Aleister Crowley
7-6-2006

Letter from Porlamar: The Tale of John Smith, and the Driving Habits of Venezuelans
by Bob Johnson
7-13-2006

Letter from Juan Griego: On Fishing on Isla Margarita, and the Menace of the Chinese Fishing Fleet
by Bob Johnson
7-20-2006

The Writer's Life: A Letter From New York City
by David Sallen
7-27-2006

A Letter to the President: Malkovich Yoga Vindaloo
by David Erik Nelson
8-3-2006

Casualty
by Sarah Erdreich
8-10-2006

My Father is a Convicted Child Molester
by Ray Matthison
8-17-2006

A Royal Compliment
by Mark Twain
8-24-2006

Our Precious Lunatic
by Mark Twain
8-31-2006

Your Data Is Fungible
by David Erik Nelson
9-7-2006

By The Time It Reach Hollywood, It's Over
by Noah Berlatsky
9-14-2006

The Creepiest Thing I Ever Saw
by Morgan Johnson
9-21-2006

Did You See That Thing I Just Did?
by Adrian Chen
9-28-2006

All Us Monsters
(a video rant)

by Hugs
10-5-2006

On How I Grew Afraid Of Becoming A Raisin In The Sun In The Wintertime Because Of The View From The Balcony
by Irma Cedeño
10-12-2006

The Wounded Soldier
by Mark Twain
10-19-2006

The Slow Drain
by Heather Siegel
10-26-2006

Ask Not
by David Robert Nelson
11-2-2006

Presidential Shakespeare
(a video rant)

by Hugs
11-9-2006

The Cat Made Me Do It
by Melissa Nation
11-16-2006

Middle Age
by Windy Harris
11-23-2006

Gollahan
by Dan Provost
11-30-2006

More Than Pikachus And Purple Hair: The Truth About Animé
by Alex Kim
12-7-2006

Happy Thanksgiving, Detroit!
by Alan Benard
12-14-2006

Born-Again Bathers
by Matt St. Amand
12-21-2006

Rules by Which a Great Empire May Be Reduced to a Small One
by Benjamin Franklin
12-28-2006

The View From the Top
by Dave Yeager
1-4-2007

Never Lie to Mommy
by Matthea Marquart
1-11-2007

Carpet Bombing the Literary World
by Michael G. McLaughlin
1-18-2007

Assault on Mount Carmel
by Tom Sheehan
1-25-2007

Last Words of Great Men
by Mark Twain
2-1-2007

Traffic
by Katharine Coldiron
2-8-2007

Tired/Sick
by Sarah Erdreich
2-15-2007

Grief
by Milton Gray
2-22-2007

The Invalid's Story
by Mark Twain
3-1-2007

Anna Nicole Smith Died of Pneumonia
by Fritz Swanson
3-8-2007

If You Come Only Once, You've Been Cheated: A Post-Structuralist Examination of the Hegemony of the "Pure" and "Sordid" [1]
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by lolly@biperson.com (annotations by the PMjA Staff)
3-15-2007

Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation: a Book of Etiquette
by George Washington
3-22-2007

Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior In Company and Conversation: a Book of Etiquette, Abridged
by George W. Bush
3-29-2007

Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation: a Book of Etiquette, Abridged
by the Giant Squid
4-5-2007

Boy in Cart
by Katharine Coldiron
4-12-2007

What You Are
by Noah Berlatsky
4-19-2007

Inter Caecos Regnat Strabo (What Am I A Calculator?)
by Zachary Biehler
4-26-2007

Happy Quatro de Mayo!
by David Erik Nelson
5-3-2007

The World Can Keep Going -- I'm Already Off!
by Bryon D. Howell
5-10-2007

Tradition and Progress Are Often in Conflict: A Twenty-Minute Practice Essay Suggested by the College Board Writing Service
by Noah Berlatsky
5-17-2007

The Misunderstood Life of St. Barnaby Stylites
by C.B. Hinojosa
5-24-2007

Nate Crumpley
by G. David Schwartz
5-31-2007

How To Save The World
by Rhonda Parrish
6-7-2007

Feel the Burn
by Sylvia J. Adams
6-14-2007

Abject Conjecture
by Adam Moorad
6-21-2007

Directions?
by Zachary Biehler
6-28-2007

Things on a Bridge
by Jason Polan
7-5-2007

The Despised Pastoral
by H.P. Lovecraft
7-12-2007

Just the Facts
by R.J. Bullock
7-19-2007

756
by Jason Polan
7-26-2007

The Defense of Poesy
by Sir Philip Sidney
8-2-2007

Old School Tie Strangles the Professions
by Danny Bernardi
8-9-2007

Before They Were Famous
by Noah Berlatsky
8-16-2007

Why I Am Poor
(a realization)

by Sylvia J. Adams

Consider the Poor Locust
by R.J. Bullock
8-30-2007

Internet Miracles and Church Camp
by Alan Benard
9-6-2007

A Pundit In Every Pot-Head
by Noah Berlatsky
9-13-2007

Amerikan Spectacle
by Joseph Scott Rutledge
9-20-2007

Grinding It Out For High School Kids
by Tony R. Rodriguez
9-27-2007

In the Zone of the Stream
by Danielle Foley
10-4-2007

Why Not Swashbucklers?
by Ethan Bernard
10-11-2007

Ode to A Large Computer Store Which I Cannot Name
by J. M. Munsil
10-18-2007

News from the Center of the Ring of Fire
by Heather Siegel
10-25-2007

Introductory to "Memoranda"
by Mark Twain
11-1-2007

A Recipe for Sadness: Why the Jon Stewart/ Chris Matthews Fight Matters for the Obama/Clinton Nomination Fight, and Why It Might Matter for Your Soul
by Fritz Swanson
11-8-2007

The Danger of Dumbing Down
by Gary Beck
11-15-2007

Hicks' Eulogy
by Kenneth Slaathaug
11-22-2007

The Search for Wisdom
by Comenius
11-29-2007

They Found The Dog First
by Rhonda Parrish
12-6-2007

Silence Speaks Volumes
by Adrien Aniceto
12-13-2007

What I Don't Want for Christmas,
or The Johnny Retail Xmas Rant

by Johnny Retail
12-20-2007

Sold to Satan
by Mark Twain
12-27-2007

Poor Mojo Debates the Presidential Primaries
by The Poor Mojo Staff
1-3-2008

Resemble This
by R.J. Bullock
1-10-2008

A Revised Policy Concerning the Enjoyment of Unseasonably Pleasant Weather, with Caveat
by Jørgen G. Cleemann
1-17-2008

The Audience is Listening
by David Erik Nelson

The Bachelors' Guide to the Care of the Young
by L.W. Lower
1-31-2008

Over The Transom
by J.M. Munsil and R.F. Long
2-7-2008

If I Had My Wife's Legs
by R.J. Bullock
2-14-2008

Six Strategies for Coping with Isolation
by David Erik Nelson
2-21-2008

A Righteous Proposal
by Larry Gaffney
2-28-2008

Hey, Baby
by David Erik Nelson
3-6-2008

Alchemy
by William Stonebraker
3-13-2008

An Introduction to Pedro Carolino's The New Guide of the Conversation in Portuguese and English
by Mark Twain
3-20-2008

The Nastiness Online: A Rant in Conversation
by David Erik Nelson and Morgan Johnson
3-27-2008

Boy + Girl
by Adam Moorad
4-3-2008

TITLE: DRUNK FUCK
by Cruz A. Fernandez
4-10-2008

Meditation on Hell
by William Stonebraker
4-17-2008

OF THE EXPERIMENT OF INVISIBILITY, AND HOW IT SHOULD BE PERFORMED
translated by S. Liddell MacGregor Mathers
4-24-2008

Notes On Writing Weird Fiction
by H.P. Lovecraft
5-1-2008

The Flood
(A Poor Mojo's Monstrously Bad Sex Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Nino Campos
5-8-2008

The Next Time I Go To A Sex Toy Party
(A Poor Mojo's Monstrously Bad Sex Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Kathy A. Fisher
5-15-2008

Acing The Oral Failing the Fucking
(A Poor Mojo's Monstrously Bad Sex Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Joe Filippone
5-22-2008

Try It Before You Buy It
(A Poor Mojo's Monstrously Bad Sex Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Juanita Walton
5-29-2008

Meet Your Match on Craigslist
(A Poor Mojo's Monstrously Bad Sex Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Prof. Barbara Foster
6-5-2008

Sondra's Night of Golden Memories
(The Poor Mojo's Monstrously Bad Sex Rant Contest Runner-Up)

by J. Troy Seate
6-12-2008

The Prize for the Lamest Booty Call I have Endured Goes To . . .
(The Poor Mojo's Monstrously Bad Sex Rant Contest WINNER!)

by Mollena Lee Williams
6-19-2008

Review: JJ Abrams' Fringe—pilot episode
by Morgan Johnson
6-26-2008

Conversation With An Idiot
by Kathy A. Fisher
7-3-2008

The Invention of the English
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by David Erik Nelson
7-10-2008

Review: Secret Invasion #4 and Captain Britian and MI13 #3
by Morgan Johnson
7-17-2008

Notes On Writing Weird Fiction
by H.P. Lovecraft
7-24-2008

How to Write Plain English: A Book for Lawyers and Consumers (an excerpt)
by Rudolf Flesch
7-31-2008

What I Really Want to See On Television
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by Jim Therkalsen
8-7-2008

Why Doesn't Anyone Love Me?
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by Jason Michael
8-14-2008

Page 707 from the Poor Mojo Special Services Exam:
Qualification Exam Relevant for Levels X to OP13
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by the PMjA Staff
8-21-2008

If You Come Only Once, You've Been Cheated: A Post-Structuralist Examination of the Hegemony of the "Pure" and "Sordid"
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by lolly@biperson.com (annotations by the PMjA Staff)
8-28-2008

My Private Self-Help Guru
by Frank Sloan
9-4-2008

Butt Floss
by Dave Miller
9-11-2008

Big Mac Rant
by Nancy Aldersmith
9-18-2008

This Is Not My Beautiful House
by Sylvia J. Adams
9-25-2008

Big Brother
by Wayne Scheer
10-2-2008

Direct Translations of Six Phrases I Used in Costa Rica
by David Erik Nelson
10-9-2008

When Does a Start-Up Stop Starting?
(A Poor Mojo's "Bad Job, Good Times; Good Job, Bad Times" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by A.K. Cotham

Your First Job: Try Not to Drown the Patients (A Lesson in Humanity)
(A Poor Mojo's "Bad Job, Good Times; Good Job, Bad Times" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Norma J. Jones
10-23-2008

Tipped by a Madwoman
(A Poor Mojo's "Bad Job, Good Times; Good Job, Bad Times" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Janey Brewer
10-30-2008

My Worst Job Ever: Razing the Rainforest
(A Poor Mojo's "Bad Job, Good Times; Good Job, Bad Times" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Michael M. Michaelson
11-6-2008

A Rant On Alcoholic Toddlers
(A Poor Mojo's "Bad Job, Good Times; Good Job, Bad Times" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Christa Miller
11-13-2008

Joining The 85% That Don't Survive
(A Poor Mojo's "Bad Job, Good Times; Good Job, Bad Times" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Thomas Sullivan
11-20-2008

Black Friday Rules
by Justin Brock-Jones
11-27-2008

Crap World
(A Poor Mojo's "Bad Job, Good Times; Good Job, Bad Times" Rant Contest WINNER!)

by Kat Nove
12-4-2008

Corn-ered
by Thomas Sullivan
12-11-2008

Some of Us Wonder
by Frank Sloan
12-18-2008

Rasslin'
by Ricky Garni
12-25-2008

International Relations
by David Erik Nelson
1-1-2009

Make Talk
by Fritz Swanson
1-8-2009

Homewreckers
by David Erik Nelson
1-15-2009

Inaugural Address
by President Barack Hussein Obama
1-22-2009

Tallest of Allest
by Doug Mathewson
1-29-2009

At the Root
by H.P. Lovecraft
2-5-2009

The Evil Glass-Seller
by Charles Baudelaire
2-12-2009

The Third Book of Occult Philosophy
by Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa
2-19-2009

The Creepiest Film Ever Made
by David Erik Nelson
2-26-2009

History of the Necronomicon
by H.P. Lovecraft
3-5-2009

A Man's World
by Glen Jones
3-12-2009

Sock Puppets
by Doug Mathewson
3-19-2009

Watchmen
a movie review

by Alan Benard
3-26-2009

Raise the Trophies High!
by Michael Lars
4-2-2009

Sarah's Field
by Barry Basden
4-9-2009

What Happens When You Assume? (An Essay About Watchmen)
by Anastasios Manettas
4-16-2009

Jeff's Last Call
by Thomas Sullivan
4-23-2009

Prophylactica?
(A Poor Mojo's "My Travel Fiasco" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Wayne Scheer
4-30-2009

And for This We Got What?
(A Poor Mojo's "My Travel Fiasco" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Paul Baughman

U.S. Bums
(A Poor Mojo's "My Travel Fiasco" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Kristopher B. Jacobs
5-14-2009

Fourteen Planes to Chefornak
(The Poor Mojo's My Travel Fiasco Rant Contest WINNER!)

by Karen Schwabach
5-21-2009

30 Seconds Where I Think About Being Alone
by Colin McKay Miller
5-28-2009

Metrical Regularity
by H.P. Lovecraft
6-4-2009

Mother's Day
by Barry Basden
6-11-2009

What Do We Need to Know About James Wenneker Von Brunn?
by Alan Benard
6-18-2009

A Few Words on Etiquette
by Edgar Allan Poe
6-25-2009

An Opinion On Dreams
by Edgar Allan Poe
7-2-2009

Grappling Hooks for the Socially Isolated
by Edgar Mason
7-9-2009

Where are the Streams?
by Onyenezi Chika Victor
7-16-2009

SUMER KOLCAK = GOD OF INFINITY
by S.U.M.E.R. K.O.L.C.A.K.
7-23-2009

Reynolds and Me
by Barry Basden
7-30-2009

What Should be in Your Submission?
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by the PMjA Staff
8-6-2009

The Bisexuality FAQ
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by "Q" and "A"
8-13-2009

I Have This Fucked Up New Job
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by Rob Miller
8-20-2009

My New Job Is WAY More Fucked Up Than I Thought
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by Rob Miller
8-27-2009

Reality As We Know It
(A Poor Mojo's "Worst Possible Cover Letter" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Rebecca Calappi
9-3-2009

JIM ROME SHOW LOOKING FOR A WRITER (Orange County)
(A Poor Mojo's "Worst Possible Cover Letter" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by James Pyle
9-10-2009

Cosmology Makeover!
(A Poor Mojo's "Worst Possible Cover Letter" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Scott Schafer
9-17-2009

Dear Mr. Steele
(A Poor Mojo's "Worst Possible Cover Letter" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Kevin James Miller
9-24-2009

Prepare to Read my Awesomeness
(A Poor Mojo's "Worst Possible Cover Letter" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Harvey Roberts
10-1-2009

Wanda's Watching
(The Poor Mojo's "Worst Possible Cover Letter" Rant Contest WINNER!)

by Caren Gussoff
10-8-2009

Cousin Jake
by Barry Basden
10-15-2009

Talking About Reading
by Onyenezi Chika Victor
10-22-2009

The Philosophy of Furniture
by Edgar Allan Poe
10-29-2009

Feminism as a Resolution to Pornography
by Kevin Vorshak
11-5-2009

For MFA Candidates: A Warning
by Michael Andreoni
11-12-2009

The End of Static
by Patrick May
11-19-2009

On the Meaning of Thanksgiving;
the full text of a speech given by the Giant Squid to the assembled orphans of Our Lady of Fatima
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by Poor Mojo's Giant Squid
11-26-2009

Some Secrets Of The Magazine Prison-House
by Edgar Allan Poe
12-3-2009

Brilliant Trousers
by Laura Grace Weldon
12-10-2009

Stop Opposite Sex Marriage
by Bob Natiello
12-17-2009

Happy Holidays from the Carter Compound!
by Beth Carter
12-24-2009

Role of The RED GLOW: A Choate Tale
by Kevin Ahearn
12-31-2009

Alien Cave Woman Sex
by Doug Mathewson
1-7-2010

Onyeka Nwelue: A Myth
by Onyenezi Chika Victor
1-14-2010

Gracious Remarks by my Cooking Enthusiast Friend Keith Upon His First Attempt to Make Dinner in my NYC Kitchen
by Matthea Marquart
1-21-2010

Deaf in Venice
by Jimmy Chen
1-28-2010

Craigslist Ad
by Emily Dufton
2-4-2010

Call Me A Romantic
by Kat Nove
2-11-2010

You Say Tentacle, I Say Testacle
by Eva Lesko Natiello
2-18-2010

Javelina Death Rap
by Bob Wallass
2-25-2010

The Raid: Is Social Security Being Robbed by Congress?
by Fritz Swanson
3-4-2010

The Shaven Kiwi
(A Poor Mojo's "The Best Recipe You'd Never Guess" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Kirsty Logan
3-11-2010

Toffee Lust
(A Poor Mojo's "The Best Recipe You'd Never Guess" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Helen Dring
3-18-2010

Trials of the Discernible Palate
(A Poor Mojo's "The Best Recipe You'd Never Guess" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Misty Posey
3-25-2010

By Hook or By Cook
(A Poor Mojo's "The Best Recipe You'd Never Guess" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Cindy Kerschner
4-1-2010

Revenge Cookies
(The Poor Mojo's "The Best Recipe You'd Never Guess" Rant Contest WINNER!)

by Faith Van Horne
4-8-2010

Some Thoughts on the Science of Onanism
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by Mark Twain
4-15-2010

Breakfast in the Twilight Zone
by Kat Nove
4-22-2010

Gender Bending Commercial Memes
by Cecil Lue Disharoon
4-29-2010

The Chasm
by Sue Ellis
5-6-2010

Sword of My Mouth: A Review in Conversation
by Morgan Johnson and David Erik Nelson
5-13-2010

Happily Ever After
by Gary Presley
5-20-2010

Texas Board of Ed: Flintstones a Documentary
by Terry Hawkins
5-27-2010

If You Ask Me, When the Women Play Well, It's Like the Most Excellent Jazz Music and You Just Go 'Yeah, Man, Oh, Yeah'
by Julio Peralta-Paulino
6-3-2010

Put 'em Together And What Have You Got?
by Alan Benard
6-10-2010

Late In October
by Deborah Reed
6-17-2010

Nature Lessons
by Wayne Scheer
6-24-2010

"In The Event Of Moon Disaster" and "In the Event of Space Monkey Hyperevolution"
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by Richard Milhous Nixon and by Dwight David Eisenhower, respectively
7-1-2010

Why I Propose to Wrest Control of This "Almanac(k)" From it's Filthy, Simian Purveyors; How I shall Accomplish the Deed; and How You, the Fair Reader, shall Benefit
by Architeuthis dux (the Giant Squid)
7-8-2010

The Last Time I Saw bin Laden
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by David Pacheco

For Sale: My Tattoo
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by M.P.
9-4-2003

Your Librarian Hates You!
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by r.wade
7-29-2010

Just Left There
by Mitch James
8-5-2010

Shunned by Polite Society
by Laura Grace Weldon
8-12-2010

Silent Shout
by Joshua Willey
8-19-2010

Six Choking Hazards You Never Imagined
by David Erik Nelson
8-26-2010

Redemption
Wayne Scheer
9-2-2010

Saudi Deluge
by Durga Vijaykumar
9-9-2010

Feedback
by Thomas Sullivan
9-16-2010

To His Wife
by Rebecca Gaffron
9-23-2010

The Next Story
by Deborah Reed
9-30-2010

The Art of Controversy
by Ambrose Bierce
10-7-2010

Ask Not
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by David Robert Nelson
10-14-2010

Diversity
by Sue Ellis
10-21-2010

Dunkin Donuts' Contribution to Global Warming
by Jacqueline Zillioux
10-28-2010

The Ordeal Of Change
by Frank Sloan
11-4-2010

Hi My Dearie
by Michelle Fadem
11-11-2010

Unholy Eucharist
by Gary Presley
11-18-2010

No Rules
by Keith Landrum
11-25-2010

Sirkus Andromeda
by Jane Røken
12-2-2010

Scipio's Villa
by Seneca
12-9-2010

Susie's Letter from Santa
by Mark Twain
12-16-2010

The Terrors of Santa Claus (A Photo-Essay)
(a Poor Mojo's Xmas Classic)

by Terrence McWee
12-23-2010

Happy Holidays from the Carter Compound!
(a Poor Mojo's Xmas Classic)

by Beth Carter
12-30-2010

The Gift of Gab
by Ambrose Bierce
1-6-2011

A Bucket of Dirt Clods
by Sue Ellis
1-13-2011

A Mad World
by Ambrose Bierce
1-20-2011

About The Game
by J. Bradley
2-3-2011

Natura Benigna
by Ambrose Bierce
2-3-2011

The Word "White" (March 17, 1854)
by Frederick Douglass
2-10-2011

Rebuttal To "The Word 'White'" (March 18, 1854)
by Kevin Vorshak
2-17-2011

Why Should A Colored Man Enlist? (April 1863)
by Frederick Douglass
2-24-2011

The Common Reader
by Virginia Woolf
3-3-2011

Mandrake's Revenge
by Jane Røken
3-10-2011

How It Strikes A Contemporary
by Virginia Woolf
3-17-2011

How It Strikes A Contemporary
by Virginia Woolf
3-24-2011

Sometimes I Fool Around With A Dude Named Jose, But It's Ok Because My Girlfriend Does Too
by Christopher Forsley
3-31-2011

The Russian Point Of View
by Virginia Woolf
4-7-2011

I Would Have Obeyed Those Gods, Became a Dunce, and Joined the Confederacy
by Christopher Forsley
4-14-2011

Diotima, on the subject of love
by Socrates (you know, kinda sorta)
4-21-2011

The United States of Lyncherdom
by Mark Twain
4-28-2011

The Last Time I Saw bin Laden
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by David Pacheco
5-5-2011

Advice to Youth
by Mark Twain
5-12-2011

The Hash House Harriers of Washington, DC
by Milton Gray
5-19-2011

I Have This Fucked Up New Job and it's WAY More Fucked Up Than I Thought
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by Rob Miller
5-26-2011

Terminal Note
by Poor Mojo's Giant Squid
7-7-2011

Archives
Contact Us

Copyright (c) 2000, 2004, David Erik Nelson, Fritz Swanson, Morgan Johnson

More Copyright Info