We currently seek RANTS which exemplify "The Worst Possible Cover Letter." In fewer than 3,000 words, craft the worst possible cover letter one might attach to a resume, pitch, submission, or application. We have seen some bad cover letters; now DO YOUR WORST!

• There is NO entry or "reading" fee for any 33-and-a-⅓ Contest.
• All entries must be submitted via our Submission E-Z-Mailer
• Be sure to select "WORST COVER LETTER contest" from the "Type of Submission" pull-down menu.
• Entries must be less than 3000 words long, and comply with our normal Submissions Guidelines.
• The Winner will be selected by Poor Mojo's Editorial Staff using the method of their choosing.
• The Winner will receive thirty-three-and-one-third dollars, in addition to the normal remuneration outlined in the Submissions Guidelines, and be published in Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) and listed as a "$33⅓ Meritorious Boon Winner."
• All entrants are eligible for publication at our normal "pay."

• All entries are due NO LATER THAN JUNE 30, 2009.
• All entrants will learn the status of their entry by July 31, 2009.

A complete list of past $33-and-a-third Meritorious Boon winners is posted in the MojoWi(k)i.

At one time, all writers published by Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) were eligible to win the annual Poor Mojo's Bonanza. For every 50 issues published we would randomly select one piece from the most recent 50 issues and give that author $100. (The Billionaire Editors of Poor Mojo, their lovely wives, and their stout children were not eligible to win the Bonanza.)

At the dawning of 2008 we chose to do away with the outrageous fortune of the $100 Poor Mojo's Bonanza, replace it with three annual $33⅓ Meritorious Boons, round down, and keep the last penny for ourselves. This is how tycoons build their fortunes.

Good night, and good luck.