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Rant #167
(published February 19, 2004)
Imperial America Gets Bit in the Ass.
by Malone

Well now, it seems that America has finally come into its own. Yes, this fine nation has taken the stage with other fine countries such as England, France and Spain. In what way do you ask. Well, we're an empire now too!

I don't know about you but I'm going to throw a party this weekend in celebration of our new found place in the world. (I'm also celebrating the moving out of our gay, er, REALLY gay roomate who never bathed.) Americans were enjoying our total isolation in the world as any empire should. I mean, we don't really give a fuck about what happens in Asia, or Europe, hell we don't even give a fuck about Canada. I bet some Americans don't even know about Canada (and who needs to, right?)

Our military rules. Our entertainment rules. Our video games kick ass, or we kick a lot of ass in our video games at least (except for this Harry Potter game, which is kicking my ass.) Hell, there's even this game made my the Army itself where I can pretend to be a soldier. I even have to endure boot camp and all this other utterly boring crap like target practice. (Who needs that in real life anyway?!) Just send my virtual ass to some sand filled country and let me kill some virtual people already! And give me God mode.

Our foreign policy is really a reflection of our home policy. Our values and ideals MUST become the values and ideals of every other country in this world. Otherwise, if they resist (FOOLS!) we slam their sorry asses with more tariffs and penalties than one can imagine a country can take and continue to survive. (Give Cuba credit here.)

Meanwhile, we import all kinds of shit from these countries, while denying them exports. To this end I get to enjoy all sorts of spices and shit from around the world with my meal that I never would have dreamed my tongue would experience. Thank God we pounded the fuck out of Germany. I love that beer, too.

So here we are, sticking our nose in every other country's business, telling them what they can and can't do. All the while totally not giving a shit about what they think and then suddenly, Sept. 11 happens.

SHOCKING! Out of the blue people don't like America! And they lashed out! SHOCKING BUT TRUE! Well, they must be beaten back into submission! Send the troops! Get young men, sons, fathers and husbands killed.

And so we find ourselves in a similar position as the aformentioned countries, except we're not out for new territory, (OR ARE WE?) and the people of the world are growing sick of us Americans and they're willing to do something about it.

England, Spain, and France all owned lot's of the worlds land at one time and the worlds Lands bit back and became their own countries and their own peoples. Now these former empires are humble countries with old world wisdoms like a wise sage.

I hope America doesn't have to get beaten into near submission to achieve the same worldy points of view.

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