Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) Classics (2000-2011)
| HOME | FICTION | POETRY | SQUID | RANTS | archive | masthead |
Rant #451
(published September 10, 2009)
(A Poor Mojo's "Worst Possible Cover Letter" Rant Contest Notable Entry)
by James Pyle
I've seen your post on Craigslist go through several iterations over the last several months and, at one point, was mildly intrigued. At one point I even considered sending my resume and writing samples. I did not because, to be honest, I have no professional sports writing experience so I assumed I would be rejected out of hand. Now that your post popped up again, specifically stating that it is for the Jim Rome Show, I am thankful to the pagan gods in the sky and earth that I did not send my resume.

First off, I'm sure Mr. Rome is a "nice guy." I say this because, honestly, most people are "nice" enough to the people in their lives. I'm sure even Hitler had friends at some point. And while I certainly respect the success Mr. Rome has found on the radio and television (I respect anyone who is successful in any form of media), I, for one, could not imagine a more terrible image of hell than writing for the Jim Rome Show.

Let's just be honest, shall we? What, exactly, would a writer be required to do for the Jim Rome Show?

Write one line.

10 second pause.

Second line.

10 second pause.

Sound clip.

First line again, this time slower and with more inflection.

15 second pause.

Sound clip.

Second sound clip.

First sound clip.

Ad infinitum.

Who, precisely, parses out these dialectical masterpieces anyway? From where I stand much the same could be accomplished by a retarded chimp sitting at a mixing board.

Also, I seriously question any person who calls his legion of fans "clones." Is that what you want, really? A mob of followers who blindly agree with everything you say? I suppose that is a rhetorical question, though. Generally, those callers who actually get any air time on the Jim Rome Show do their best to mirror the style, tone, and delivery of Jim Rome himself which, if you want to listen to an arrogant gas bag who likes to hear himself talk, why wouldn't you just listen to the best . . . Jim Rome?

But maybe we've gotten off on the wrong foot . . . or, probably, you have already stopped reading this and deleted it. Good for you!

If you are still here, though, let me just say that this is, by no means, some round about way to seem "hip" or "cool" or "in your face." I have absolutely no desire to work for the Jim Rome Show.

Ah, you're thinking "that's good because you'd never even be considered." Excellent, then we are in agreement.

Lastly, if you are still reading this (but why would you be?) you are probably wondering what kind of person would sit down and compose a letter like this.

I readily (enthusiastically, even) admit that the label "loser" applies to me in every sense of the word. I had 15 free minutes, however, and could not think of a better way of wasting the time.

All the Best,

Share on Facebook
Tweet about this Piece

see other pieces by this author

Poor Mojo's Tip Jar:

The Next Rant piece (from Issue #452):

Cosmology Makeover!
(A Poor Mojo's "Worst Possible Cover Letter" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Scott Schafer

The Last few Rant pieces (from Issues #450 thru #446):

Reality As We Know It
(A Poor Mojo's "Worst Possible Cover Letter" Rant Contest Notable Entry)

by Rebecca Calappi

My New Job Is WAY More Fucked Up Than I Thought
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by Rob Miller

I Have This Fucked Up New Job
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by Rob Miller

The Bisexuality FAQ
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by "Q" and "A"

What Should be in Your Submission?
(a Poor Mojo's Classic)

by the PMjA Staff

Rant Archives

Contact Us

Copyright (c) 2000, 2004, David Erik Nelson, Fritz Swanson, Morgan Johnson

More Copyright Info