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Rant #152
(published September 18, 2003)
Roseville is Killing Me
by Luke Bruhns

I think his name was Danny.

His parents own the TipTop bar.

He works with Brandon, who still lives with his parents.

Christie and I slept together once. I think it was her first time. She moved to LA to be a model. I wonder what she's doing here?

If I didn't see these people I wouldn't remember them. I wonder if they remember me? Christie certainly seems to.

I lived with Kristen who was best friends with Nikole. I still talk to Nikole. I wonder who Kristen Is living with now?

Josh and Jen have two kids now. Jeff likes horror flicks and Hertz' and bloody red pants.

Blue beard gave me my tattoo but he's dead now: heart attack. Josh had too much smack, he's dead too.

My brother gets money from the government for being crazy. He got the idea from Jeff Gomola who is crazier than anyone I know.

Rory was short and ugly. Artie could draw and drink. He drank more than he drew, now he's dead.

Mike still lives in his mother's basement, losing his head. He loves Nadine.

I met Nadine at Sue's with Erin and Shannon. We called them "choads." They burnt candles and cigarettes. Rachel was too pretty for them, she had burning for better things.

Shannon saw Billy who came from nowhere. His dad was a serial killer. Or rather a gunman in McDonalds.

Mike S. turned out to be a fag, he joined the navy. Go figure.

John Stephinitus joined the navy, too. His name sounds like a disease.

Matt was Mike's boyfriend, he tried to kiss me. Jenni was my first girlfriend, she tried to kiss Matt. And her boss.

And my friend Val, who thought he was a roman soldier, his friend Fred got his tie caught in a grinder. He's dead, too.

Fred knew Sean. Sean got me a job making fake teeth for wannabe vampires. He almost married Lisa who lives with Roger.

Roger takes valium. Or is it prozac? Sean did marry Mallory who went nuts for cocaine. She left Sean for Matt when Sean ran out of money.

Matt ran out of cocaine so he stepped in front of a truck. He's not dead.

Mallory went to Ann Arbor where Morgan lives. Or lived. I think he moved to San Fransisco. He seems happy there.

Skot is always happy. He's thirty and still can't find a job. He takes too much e.

Shane took too much e and had a break down. He was a good kid. Shane dated Michelle who went to school for child psychology but works at Office Depot.

Michelle dated a black guy and her family didn't approve. Her brother Adam lays cable for computer networks.

He's a dj.

Everyone is a dj.

Dj was a quiet kid who lived in a trailer park. He always looked like he was deep in thought, but I think it was the pot.

Everyone smokes pot.

Luke Bruhns is currently employed by the U.S. Army, on location in Iraq. We've published a great deal of Luke's work, although the ones that seem the most salient right now are this, that and the other. Oh, yeah, he worked in web-porn, too. And was almost bit by an alligator, once.

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The Next Rant piece (from Issue #153):

So, I'm Living in Small-town Middle America Again
by Fritz Garner Swanson

The Last few Rant pieces (from Issues #151 thru #147):

Operation: Downy Fresh; True Story Of An MP Mission In Iraq
by Luke Bruhns

For Sale: My Tattoo
by M.P.

Am I still An Unpatriotic Traitor?
by Ed Hanratty

Political Selections from:

by Ambrose Bierce
(Abridged in 2003 for Modern Readers and Those with Taste and Grit by Morgan Johnson)

Political Selections from:

by Ambrose Bierce
(Abridged in 2003 for Modern Readers and Those with Taste and Grit by Morgan Johnson)

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