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Squid #319
(published March 1, 2007)
Ask the Giant Squid: Leisures of the Squid
Who is Poor Mojo's Giant Squid?
What activities do squids like to perform?


Dear Anonymous Friend,

It is so kind of you to inquire upon my own interests and proclivities. I take this as a much deserved respite from the constant onslaught of the questionings regarding what you all wish and desire and enjoy. There are many things that I enjoy, to list them all would fill the very tubes of the Internets to bursting.

Squids like to:

Eat of the french fries

Dance upon the discotecques

Eat heartily of the funerary buffet, and then feast upon the tears of our enemies' children.

Complete of the sudoku puzzles

Although I cannot speak for all squids, certainly this Squid has of late grown fond of the MySpace. In the MySpace we allow tiny pictures of ourselves to romp and interact most charmingly. Our picture-avatars caper in merriment when we are too weighed down with the work and the taxes. In the MySpace, such picture-juxtaposition is called being a "Friend." Will you not be my "Friend"?

Squids like to great old friends.

Squids like to look upon the faces of conquered enemies.

Squids enjoy the smell of bacon in the morning.

Squids like constructing replicas of famous American landmarks from the Legos. I once constructed a Monticello entirely of red bricks, although the usual vogue is to build realistically-colored models of monuments and statuary. Still, mine was a sturdy little palladian maison.

Squids like dodgeball.

Squids like the films of Lloyd Bridges. Especially his early dramatic repertoire.

Most squids enjoy the novels of EM Forester. I do not.

All squids enjoy the delightful savor of dogs.

Squids like to perform simple slights-of-tentacle — although, since they have in excess of the cube as many arms as a human (a human having 2 arms, and a squid having 23 arms, plus two hunting tentacles), their illusions are a cube as impressive, and can also tear the flesh from your bones. Few know that old Rasputin was not finally killed by hypothermia or insufflation of waters, but rather by a fresh-water squidling showing him a cubed french drop as they together strolled along the bottom of the Neva River.

Squids like of the green grass.

Most squids are secretive, mysterious and tight-lipped. I, however, am outgoing and forthcoming.

Thanks you for your question, Anonymous Internet Petitioner. This has been a breath of warm sunshine in these blustery cold days. Now, please, proceed to MySpace in OurSpace, and do be my "friend" so that our tiny photographs might become better acquainted.

I Remain,
The Giant Squid

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see other pieces by this author | Who is Poor Mojo's Giant Squid? Read his blog posts and enjoy his anthem (and the post-ironic mid-1990s Japanese cover of same)

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