I.
A transparent, hung Hobbit of Bag End
In every hole was secreting his swag, when
Alas for his dork
He fucked with an orc —
Who knew they had teeth in the back end?

II.
An aloof wizard named Gandalf the Grey
Handled his staff all day, every day
Until constant jerking
And mystical spurting
Made the potent rod wither away.

III.
A golem paddling in underground ponds
Saw a fish and knew hunger was gone.
He bit down with relish
Then screamed out "My Precious!"
He had chomped off the end of his dong.