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Squid #373
(published March 13, 2008)
Ask the Giant Squid: The Book-Packager of the Elder Gods
Who is Poor Mojo's Giant Squid?
Dear Giant Squid,

What should I write a book about?

Connie Gilles

Dearest Connie,

As you have clearly surmised, as I float in my glass and concrete tank high above the necropolis of Detroit, I make time for a great deal of unhindered pondering. Whole days might drift past without a sound passing my beak or a single, staccato, Morse-coded tap my tentacles, and I do permit my boundlessly profound mental faculties to follow, at full length and extent, their fant'sies.

Often, when I am not harboring secret, violent fantasies (my newest scheme is, as yet, still unfolding; I shall keep thee aprised) or planning how I shall dispense of the treacly millions I will ultimately accrue from our own Michigan's State Lotto-ery (Oh, yes; you will be mine, dear Lotto-ery!), I imagine the possible plottings of books I might one day scribe. While I have, in fact, read very few novels, I have seen a great number of movies and television programs, and read much of the New York Times Review of Books, and believe I have the general drift of "The Craft." Alas, like and unto so many of my work-a-day D-town cohort, I possess more grand ideas than mundane time. So, in the spirit of novelistic comradery, I share some of these with here, now. If you might happen to use any and turn a profit in doing so, I ask only that you thank me in your acknowledgments, name an animal or child in my honor, and post 22 percent of all royalties to:

Poor Mojo's Media Empire, Treasury Offices
PO Box 282
Manchester, MI


I do hope, dearest Connie, that some of these ideas will be helpful to you and your literary endeavors. Please keep the details of our contract in mind. By reading this column, you have already assented to it in a legally binding fashion.

I Remain,
Your Giant Squid

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