Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) Classics (2000-2011)
| HOME | FICTION | POETRY | SQUID | RANTS | archive | masthead |
Squid #370
(published February 21, 2008)
Ask the Giant Squid: The United States of Mind Over a State of Matter
Who is Poor Mojo's Giant Squid?
My Most Esteemed Giant Squid,

Should I move out of state?

Michael Faraday

My Dearest Faraday,

I do not exaggerate when I exclaim that it has been a dog's age since we last spoke. Specifically, that dog would be nearly two hundred years old, and likely quite stringy. I was under the most unfortunate impression that you had died in the summer of 1867, while in fact it would appear that you used the cover of the late American Civil War and (at that time) ongoing partial Reconstruction to conceal your entre into this great Smelting Plot. Good for you, dear friend!

As to the matter of moving out of state, I would not endorse this course of action.

As your are well aware, in technical terms the "moving out of state" — or the period of phase-state-shift — is the very definition of chaos. For exempli gratis, imagine water in transition from the solid to liquid state; at that intersection of the ice and the sea, no one may say what, precisely, is occurring. Chaos is the moment when the old pattern perishes, and the new pattern is birthed. It is the first bead of water to run down the ice cube, it is the melting cone of sweet cream clutched in your filthy grip at the State Fair, it is the cream in one's coffee, the salt in one's stew, and the T in one's MTF transsexual. It is the point where scientists and the men with the solid eyes get nervous. The most brilliant scientists in all the World throw up their tentacles and resort to violence when asked to formulate equations to describe the phase-state-shift, that eldritch tugs-of-war between warring modes of molecular organization, each laying its full and rightful claim to being the most economical and stable to that situation, and each as right as she is wrong. Seen in this light, it is clearly the case that the Triple Point is a non-Euclidean horror from a Dimension Beyond Time, and to dabble in its vaporous waters is to risk madness.

Perhaps you demure, now, saying "Dear Squid, I do but only intend a small shift from the Liquid to Gaseous, not some grand leap from mundane Solid directly to sidereal Plasma!" To this, dear, dissembling Faraday, I say Fie!

Any shift out of state is bound to cause discord amongst your friends and associates; when one has sublimated — even but little — he feels a natural superiority to lower-order structures that can be difficult to conceal, especially in social situations where liquor is consumed.

Regardless of how minor the phase-state-shift, it is to be avoided; I speak, in this matter, with the hard-won wisdom gained from harsh tutelage at Experience's hoary and pitiless knee. Nonetheless, I wish you well and good health in your continuing endeavors, and . . .

I Remain,
Your Giant Squid

Got a Question? Contact the Giant Squid
or check the Squid FAQ

Love the Giant Squid? Buy his first book.

Share on Facebook
Tweet about this Piece

see other pieces by this author | Who is Poor Mojo's Giant Squid? Read his blog posts and enjoy his anthem (and the post-ironic mid-1990s Japanese cover of same)

Poor Mojo's Tip Jar:

The Next Squid piece (from Issue #371):

Ask the Giant Squid: Of the Categories Woefully Overlooked

The Last few Squid pieces (from Issues #369 thru #365):

Ask the Giant Squid: On the Addition of but a Little Sense

Ask The Giant Squid: Test Drive the Cow Before Purchasing her Milks

Tales of the Giant Squid: The Curses of the Presidents, The Door of John Adams

Ask the Giant Squid: Push-Me-Poll-Me

Ask the Giant Squid: A PowerPoint Presentation of Enormous Girth

Squid Archives

Contact Us

Copyright (c) 2000, 2004, David Erik Nelson, Fritz Swanson, Morgan Johnson

More Copyright Info