This week's query, I warn you, was no query at all. Rather, in my typist's mumbled hellos, crumbled sheets of paper and quickly obscured computer screen, I noted a need for assistance, and this I did provide sans the need for a formal asking. I hope that, in cheering one small, black teenboy, you will forgive this lapse of protocol.

My loyal office-boy and typist, Jarwaun, has of late taken to enjoying the trials and tribulations of the LOLcats — which I note to be a worldwide cabal of felines who choose to inscribe in garbled idiot-speak upon pictures of themselves that which they were thinking at the time of the photograph. Although these much delight Jarwaun, he did discover that his own attempts to forge such matter met with little success — largely owing, it seemed, to his having never co-habitated with an actual, living cat animal. Ever magnanimous, I offered to assist although, suffering the same deficit as young Jarwaun, we did decide that a slight alteration in the project was in order. Jarwaun suggested perhaps that LolFish were advisable, as he had owned fish in the past and I spent my youth gallivanting amongst the ocean floor alternately devouring and befriending the finny ones. In the end, we elected to highlight the inner workings of my favorite pet, the freshman efforts at which we present below.

As Jarwaun and I worked upon our channeling and creations, my able assistant Rob did enter with suggestions, including "Taking a picture of Lincoln all flying through the air, and either hitting it with INVISIBLE KARATE or INVISIBLE MOTOROCYCLE; that shit's a classic."

But he failed to produce such a picture of the notorious be-biked Lincoln before press time.

I Remain,
Your Giant Squid