I'll sodomize you and stick my cock in your mouths,

oral Aurelius and anal Furius,

who have supposed me to be immodest, on account of my verses,

because these are rather voluptuous and not very modest.

      For the sacred poet ought to be chaste himself,

his verses need not be so;

which, in the end, only have wit and charm

      if they are rather voluptuous and not very modest,

and are able to stimulate desire,

      and I don't mean in boys, but in these hairy men

who cannot move their stiff thighs.

Just because you read about many thousands of kisses,

do you think I am not a real man?

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Catullus was an ancient Roman Epicurean poet. We are not making this up.