Did you hear? You're landlord just went bankrupt! Any comments?

Signed,
A Smart Ass Reader

Dear Intelligent Donkey,

On the advice of counsel, the eminent (and disturbingly imminent) Dr. Hercule Love, I have decided to not issue an official comment on the subject of the laboratory, my research, or my relationship with The Good and Honest General Motor. He and I have been friends (I would say "comrades" but he would object) since The War, and as such, I do not think it right to kick upon him now that he lay down in the ditch and dying the cruel but just death that he so richly deserves.

And so I shall not. I shall say not one more word. Not another at all, for any reason. No more words will be uttered by me past this very sentence. The period has been put upon my comments regarding The General, his obsession with fluoride, among other things, and his associations, both past and present, with certain suspect individuals and Coureurs-de-Bois of the far Canadian north.

My comments are at an end.

But... because I am nothing if not fairminded, I cannot prevent my staff from having their say, and as such Mr. Leeks has asked if he may post for your perusal and consideration our annual budget, or rather selections thereof, which might clearly present our position in the matter and preemptively defenestrate any of our opponents, or should I say Wise and Good Friends, in the General's Cadre of assistants who might wish to pin the blame for this economic debacle partially or wholly upon my small, idiosyncratic scientific concern.

Selected Line Items from Architeuthis Enterprises LLC, budget, for the 2009 fiscal year:

• Marbles (glass): $.77
• Lubricants (non-water soluble): $417
• Lubricants (water soluble): $11
• Polar and non-polar solvents (bulk): $47
• Eppendorf Mastercycler 5330 PCR thermal cycler (used): $59
• Operation manual for Eppendorf Mastercycler 5330 PCR thermal cycler (photo-facsimile): $359
• Replacement heating element for an Eppendorf Mastercycler 5330 PCR thermal cycler lid plate (refurbish): $22
• Replacement fuses and instrument cluster for an Eppendorf Mastercycler 5330 PCR thermal cycler (surplus): $42
• Fire department "house call" fee, catastrophic cleaners, recharging of fire-suppression systems and anti-extrusion net guns, one-time "building damages" fee in excess of security deposit [paid to various parties, budgeted as a single line-item for tax purposes]: $10,315
• Eppendorf Mastercycler EP RealPlex PCR thermal cycler (new in box): $7,576
• Ammonium nitrate (bulk): $123
• no. 2 heating fuel oil: $4,400
• Telephones (old timey, crank and voltaic): $33,000,000
• Walls, bars, and guards: $11,000
• Gloves and shoes, chimpanzee unisex: $4,700
• Voice and performance lessons [paid to Mr. Shia LaBeouf of Las Angeles, CA]: $217,000
• 50,000 square feet of Class-A commercial real estate, including garage and rooftop helipad access, utilities, maintenance, seasonal gratuity, porters, security, and buffet [paid to General Motors Company]: $1

As you can see, the financial collapse of Mr. General Motors' fine establishment was no fault of ours.

I Remain,
The Giant Squid
Editor-in-Chief
PMjA