Dignity, honor, power, crushing deadly force; these are the principle qualities to which you gravitate when choosing your Dominatorix Presidentia. It has come to my attention (the proverbial Out-Shout to my good advisor, friend, and lab assistant Rob The Miller) that in these Seasons Primary, we must to show my many qualities not by the advertisements Televisual, but instead through Spider Web Blog of Domination. Of these things I know little, but Robert has assured me of their importance, and as evidence he has provided you and I with these Links Exemplar:
In the first I feel somewhat confused, but in the second, The General Blog he speaks in a way I can understand, and so I too believe that these wisps of the Web are indeed important. And so I say to all, I too shall have a Clark!
In its original incarnation, my intent was to have a sort of daily journal, tracking my many moods and thoughts, and featuring verse written by my tentacle, and other such ejecta archetuethical. After the examination of many other exemplary sites, I even began to consider the acquisition of a webbed camera, using which I might make photoimages of my anatomy (in part and whole), to be exchanged for small baubles and gifts selected from my Amazonian Wishing List. Rob advised that this was a much passe idea, and that similarly featuring many images of myself on my Clark would demean me in the (admittedly optically questionable) eyes of the voting populace. I countered that, in the case of the Clarks of other candidates, much they were plastered of the photo (and even video!) images of said vote-recipient-hopeful. But, Rob indicated that one might well note the marked dearth of images of said hopefuls exposed genitalia, and I thus conceded that, with his vast familiarity with this World Wide Dataglut, he might well have the right.
In matters of human anatomy, and their preferences in viewing there of, Rob is much the expert.
So, then, in a meeting with my staff, we decided upon an alternate concept: My Clark, it would feature many amusing photographies, and point out the adorable foibles of your work-the-day life. Although I have imagined a thing much like a collage, featuring strongly of the Ziggy and Familiar Circus— although possessed of a greater number of photopictures of what Rob terms the "shaved pussies"— the final design, owing to the strange aesthetic requirements of the Fritz and technical incompetencies of the Dave is far from what I first envisioned.
But it shall suffice for the time being. The good help, are they not difficult to locate and ensnare in these days?
So, finally, we have arrived at the Poor Mojo's Newswire, a compendium of the strange and wonderful of this Shared Electronical Web of Delusion, on which you will find many and sundry tiny delights, as well as work-a-day details and meditations of and upon myself and my WhiteHouseward march. Updated constantly, she is the Luminous and Lunatic Moon to the Solid and Stolid Earth of my most beloved Almanac(k).
In closing, I would have it be known at this time, both electoral-campaign wise and of my own corpus colossal, that I have built up a great deal of "squidmentum"— and shall spew it forth upon the earth lest my demands be promptly met. Much like the LoverMan, I too think it is going to keep building to a surprising finish. Ha ha. Ah yes, dearest PokeyJoe— General Blog, he has his Madonnas, and you have your Joementous Hadassah, and I, too, have your Hadassah— smothered in the spew of Squidmentum. Ha. These jokes of the sexual nature, they simply do not tire— again, not unlike Fair and Charitable Hadassah herself. But enough of the humors. Onward, Gloryward, Victoryward. Vote Squid! I Remain,
Your Giant Squid
Much like the LoverMan, I too think it is going to keep building to a surprising finish. Ha ha. Ah yes, dearest PokeyJoe— General Blog, he has his Madonnas, and you have your Joementous Hadassah, and I, too, have your Hadassah— smothered in the spew of Squidmentum. Ha. These jokes of the sexual nature, they simply do not tire— again, not unlike Fair and Charitable Hadassah herself.
But enough of the humors. Onward, Gloryward, Victoryward. Vote Squid!
Love the Giant Squid? Buy his first book.
Share on Facebook
Tweet about this Piece
Poor Mojo's Tip Jar: