Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) Classics (2000-2011)
| HOME | FICTION | POETRY | SQUID | RANTS | archive | masthead |
Squid #136
(published May 29, 2003)
Notes From The Giant Squid: Sunrise-Sunset (An Almanac Item)

Who is Poor Mojo's Giant Squid?
Narry a day might pass, here in the lab, that I am not acquainted to a new and interesting facet of surface life, even after my many years cruising-scuttling-soaring-and-reclining so far from the embrace of the Sea's Deep Crush. On a recent Thursday morn, it was to the quaint tradition of the washing of high rise windows— with their traditional rope-pulley-platforms and longstalked squeeqe-squeaks— that I was well met. While I was, for my part, caught of the surprise and did indeed panic in the minor (even releasing a small volume of ink, I feel shame to say), the window-squeegeurs reacted with non-nonchalance and a general dispassion in seeing me. I imagine many sights assault them, as they clean the windows, matters distasteful and indelicate, of embarrassment and the privacy invaded, so there would indeed be a self-selection in such a field for those calm of demeanor, as whole as anti-afeared of the highness above.

But, this recent visit by the arachno-style window washers to my level of the Centre de Renaissance has made a much more important doubleset of revelations clear (pun, viz. windows, much intended):

Revelation the First: The airs high above this City of Motors are far from free of debris, detritus and particulate matters generally obscuring all surfaces, especially those otherwise clear and transparent.

Revelation the Second: the two circles enlummed I watch track across the surface-less hemi-sky daily and nightly are indeed distinct, both from the remainder of the hemi-sky and from one-the-other, and quite fetching in their own right. My previous accommodations (the windowless offices in CinCinAtti, the murkblue of Lake the Superior, the Oceans Deep and Troubling) lacked any visual access to this much vaunted "Sky" and its populants, and so my observations there-of were extremely limited and, truth told, rather slippery to the shod (of my own blame) Add to this the extreme obscuring grubbiness of these my first windows to the sky and, in short, I have given matters celestial far less than their due consideration— a matter I now, as my ignorance wanes, grow to regret in the extreme.

Now being possessed of a clean and clear "Eastern Exposure," I am delighted to report the confirmed existence and consistent presence of a great and terrible circle which from there rises, luminous in the extreme, frequently sheathing this far flung city-river-city-scape in a salivatingly rich and visceral rouge, tending down the wavelength spectra through the many subtle tones of sweat and sinew, blood and bile, gut and gall, delectable pain to dizzying, terror-tinged salty-sweets. This bright coin continues its progress up-by-southward, until a time near to the luncheon hour of my several lab assistants and general staff, at which time it passes up beyond the upmost reaches of my windows and, I presume, continues its sky-cross progress to some point behind the structure in which I dwell— the supposition bolstered by the simple fact of this circle's return at my visible horizon some 9 hours hence— by what path, I know not.

The secondary circle is of a coldwhitecolorless light, inconsistent and inconstant in both its rise, passage, path and form— in the matter of this last tending through a variety of circles, hemi-circles, semi-circles, quasi-circles, oblongs, ellipses and sickles in a (presumably) set rhythm and pattern I have yet to fathom. On occasion, it is sky-present simultaneously with the Primary Fiery Ring, and on other occasions absent entirely altogether for the duration of both brightday and darknight.

My lab assistant Rob, ever helpful in these astronomical matters, has explained that these circles are actually sphere-o-orbs (strange though it sounds), and they reside fully apart from and above the earth and its illusive hemi-sky, which itself circles the one orb (that being the DazzleSun) and is in turn encircled by the other (SootheMoon)— a fanciful notion, these circo-spheres circling circo-spheres, but giving due consideration to the fanciful nature of the observed phenomenon, I give the explanation credulity for the time being. I gently suggested, upon first receiving this strange theory, that raw observation clearly held that both these orbs do encircle the earth (itself a globe, I am told, though un-luminous— and those global nature would indeed work to explain the topography of some of the more quixotic maps brought to my collection by dutiful Sang, Head of All Demands Archituethic here about the lab and offices), but Rob was quiet adamant in that his explanation was fair and true, and I thus demure for the time being.

These, then, are your Sun and Moon, of which I had heard much spoken ("Let him have his moment in the sun," "While the sun shines you had best make hay," "Let my go now, like a blister in the sun," as well as "it is only the paper moon," "I would buy you the Moon," and "Bang! Zoom! Toward the Moon!") but had previously seen not, and thus took to be fanciful items solely used in metaphor, such as the molasses slow, the mule stubborn or the eskimo purchaser of refrigeration boxes, lacking any true material life, and existing only in language and its subterranean steam tunnels, morlocks of the tongue.

But, these Sun and Moon, put simply, are magnificent and fascinating, and it is in these moments of discovery and explication true that I most value my new life here on the searing dry surface.

Explanation tendered, I present, the alamanc(k) item de june: Utilizing new calculations of Sun's velocity and this sphere-earth's circumference, I have prepared the following chart of apparent Sun's risings above and settings below the apparent earth-edge for this coming month of Juno, Goddess of the Hearth. This table factual should be of good use to all land-dwellers under the thrall of this fiery ball, as its light will abrogate the need for artificial illuminants (prettily sparkling though they be, nightwise, along the streets and river of my Motored City.) Please print this and post it publicly, for general reference and elucidation. (Nota Bene: I have put the matter of the Moon aside, awaiting further observations into the future.)

The Month of June
1 0458 2002904
2 0458 2003 905
3 0457 2004 907
4 0457 2005 908
5 0457 2005 908
6 0456 2006 910
7 0456 2007 911
8 0456 2007 911
9 0455 2008 913
10 0455 2008 913
11 0455 2009 914
12 0455 2010 915
13 0455 2010 915
14 0455 2010 915
15 0455 2011 916
16 0455 2011 916
17 0455 2012 917
18 0455 2012 917
19 0455 2012 917
20 0455 2012 917
21 0455 2013 918
22 0456 2013 917
23 0456 2013 917
24 0456 2013 917
25 0457 2013 916
26 0457 2013 916
27 0457 2013 916
28 0458 2013 915
29 0458 2013 915
30 0459 2013914

Now, recalling the general utility and convenience of this floating skyball providing light, and the cost savings there-in provided, I am struck by the general obstinent quality of the time tracking method used, which provides little anchoring to the nigh unto fifteen hours of freelight. I thus am now suggesting a rationalized system of time keeping, containing 10 "reasonable hours", anchored at its head by the Sun's rise and its tail by the Sun's rest. On the occasions that I suggest Rob take up a task which might bring him into the lab afore Sun's rise, he oft grumbles that this is a "unreasonable hour" for activity— as such, I presume that, in the common parlance, it is the sunwise hours which are "reasonable"— a good and noble piece of verbiage, to me signaling that my grunt-monkey co-land-mates are indeed prepared for such a system of rational time.

Thus, please find below a chart of the "reasonable hours" for this most auspiciously solistial month:

The Month of June
1 90.4
2 90.5
3 90.7
4 90.8
5 90.8
6 91.0
7 91.1
8 91.1
9 91.3
10 91.3
11 91.4
12 91.5
13 91.5
14 91.5
15 91.6
16 91.6
17 91.7
18 91.7
19 91.7
20 91.7
21 91.8
22 91.7
23 91.7
24 91.7
25 91.6
26 91.6
27 91.6
28 91.5
29 91.5
30 91.4

Take Solace (pun!) In These,

Your Giant Squid

Got a Question? Contact the Giant Squid
or check the Squid FAQ

Love the Giant Squid? Buy his first book.

Share on Facebook
Tweet about this Piece

see other pieces by this author | Who is Poor Mojo's Giant Squid? Read his blog posts and enjoy his anthem (and the post-ironic mid-1990s Japanese cover of same)

Poor Mojo's Tip Jar:

The Next Squid piece (from Issue #137):

Notes From The Giant Squid: My Time as a Child of the '80s

The Last few Squid pieces (from Issues #135 thru #131):

Notes From The Giant Squid: Pining for the "Old-School Atari Shit"

Notes From The Giant Squid: Or Was It Just a Bright and Shinning Lie

Notes From The Giant Squid: On the Inconsequentiality of Size, or Colossal I Choose Not

Notes From The Giant Squid: From Beyond the Grave

Notes From The Giant Squid: Eating

Squid Archives

Contact Us

Copyright (c) 2000, 2004, David Erik Nelson, Fritz Swanson, Morgan Johnson

More Copyright Info