A LION seeing a Poodle fell into laughter at the ridiculous spectacle.
"Who ever saw so small a beast?" he said.
"It is very true," said the Poodle, with austere dignity, "that I am small; but, sir, I beg to observe that I am all dog."
An Officer and a Thug
A CHIEF of Police who had seen an Officer beating a Thug was very indignant, and said he must not do so any more on pain of dismissal.
"Don't be too hard on me," said the Officer, smiling; "I was beating him with a stuffed club."
"Nevertheless," persisted the Chief of Police, "it was a liberty that must have been very disagreeable, though it may not have hurt. Please do not repeat it."
"But," said the Officer, still smiling, "it was a stuffed Thug."
In attempting to express his gratification, the Chief of Police thrust out his right hand with such violence that his skin was ruptured at the arm-pit and a stream of sawdust poured from the wound. He was a stuffed Chief of Police.
How Leisure Came
A MAN to Whom Time Was Money, and who was bolting his breakfast in order to catch a train, had leaned his newspaper against the sugar-bowl and was reading as he ate. In his haste and abstraction he stuck a pickle-fork into his right eye, and on removing the fork the eye came with it. In buying spectacles the needless outlay for the right lens soon reduced him to poverty, and the Man to Whom Time Was Money had to sustain life by fishing from the end of a wharf.
A Matter of Method
A PHILOSOPHER seeing a Fool beating his Donkey, said:
"Abstain, my son, abstain, I implore. Those who resort to violence shall suffer from violence."
"That," said the Fool, diligently belabouring the animal, "is what I'm trying to teach this beast - which has kicked me."
"Doubtless," said the Philosopher to himself, as he walked away, "the wisdom of fools is no deeper nor truer than ours, but they really do seem to have a more impressive way of imparting it."
The Alderman and the Raccoon
"I SEE quite a number of rings on your tail," said an Alderman to a Raccoon that he met in a zoological garden.
"Yes," replied the Raccoon, "and I hear quite a number of tales on your ring."
The Alderman, being of a sensitive, retiring disposition, shrank from further comparison, and, strolling to another part of the garden, stole the camel.
The Foolish Woman
A MARRIED Woman, whose lover was about to reform by running away, procured a pistol and shot him dead.
"Why did you do that, Madam?" inquired a Policeman, sauntering by.
"Because," replied the Married Woman, "he was a wicked man, and had purchased a ticket to Chicago."
"My sister," said an adjacent Man of God, solemnly, "you cannot stop the wicked from going to Chicago by killing them."
The Cat and the King
A CAT was looking at a King, as permitted by the proverb.
"Well," said the monarch, observing her inspection of the royal person, "how do you like me?"
"I can imagine a King," said the Cat, "whom I should like better."
"The King of the Mice."
The sovereign was so pleased with the wit of the reply that he gave her permission to scratch his Prime Minister's eyes out.
The Dog and the Reflection
A DOG passing over a stream on a plank saw his reflection in the water.
"You ugly brute!" he cried; "how dare you look at me in that insolent way."
He made a grab in the water, and, getting hold of what he supposed was the other dog's lip, lifted out a fine piece of meat which a butcher's boy had dropped into the stream.
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