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June 21, 2011

Mojonauts: Let Us Amplify My Glory!

Dear Mojonauts and Mojoketeers, As you are doubtlessly already aware,...

August 28, 2008

YET BUT ONLY THREE DAYS REMAIN TO BITCH ABOUT WORK AND WIN MONIES

URGENT ALERT TO ALL MOJONAUTS! Just three days hence is the deadline of our latest $33-and-a-third Meritorious Boon rant contest: Bad Job, Good Times; Good Job, Bad Times. Yet but only THREE DAYS remain for you to:
  1. Write a rant about either a) the best experience you ever had while working an otherwise terrible job, or b) the worst thing that ever happened to you as a part of an otherwise great job
  2. Be sure you are following the rules
  3. Submit your rant online (be sure to choose "GOOD JOB BAD RANT" as the "Submission type"!)
  4. Win!(?)
the small print:
  • The Winner receives $33.33 and publication on Poor Mojo's Almanac(k).
  • There is NO entry or "reading" fee for any Thirty-Three-and-a-third Contest.
  • Entries must be less than 3000 words long, and comply with our normal Submissions Guidelines.
  • All entries are due NO LATER THAN AUGUST 31, 2008.

August 20, 2008

Your Final Opportunity to Bitch About Work and Win Some Money is Fast Approaching!

Dearest Loyal Readership, I am pleased to remind you, on behalf of Poor Mojo's Almanac(k), of the existence of our latest $33-and-a-third Meritorious Boon rant contest: Bad Job, Good Times; Good Job, Bad Times.
  1. Write a rant about either a) the best experience you ever had while working an otherwise terrible job, or b) the worst thing that ever happened to you as a part of an otherwise great job
  2. Be sure you are following the rules
  3. Submit your rant online (be sure to choose "GOOD JOB BAD RANT" as the "Submission type"!)
  4. Win!(?)
the small print:
  • The Winner receives $33.33 and publication on Poor Mojo's Almanac(k).
  • There is NO entry or "reading" fee for any Thirty-Three-and-a-third Contest.
  • Entries must be less than 3000 words long, and comply with our normal Submissions Guidelines.
  • All entries are due NO LATER THAN AUGUST 31, 2008.

June 13, 2008

"Bad Job, Good Times; Good Job, Bad Times": Poor Mojo's Latest $33-and-a-third Contest

Dearest Mojonauts, We are pleased to announce our latest $33-and-a-third...

May 27, 2008

Giant Squid to Read in Chicago

Dearest Mojonauts, It is with greatest pleasure that I remind you that on Saturday, May 31 -- less than five days hence! -- I shall be reading in Chicago, Illinois, on the occasion of the release of the print version of Mr. Noah Berlatsky's Gay Utopia symposium, to which I am a humble contributor. As I am personally unavailable for the engagement, Mr. David Erik Nelson -- Noted Writer of Things and co-editor of Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) and associated media services -- shall read in my stead. Please extend to him the full faith and credit that you would offer me, a murderous denizen of the crushing deeps, displaced to this airy and alien space for lo these many years.
  • WHAT: The Gay Utopia Reading, Featuring Poor Mojo's Giant Squid (David Erik Nelson, official proxy)
  • WHERE: Quimby's
    1854 W. North Ave.
    Chicago, IL 60622
    quimbys.com
  • WHEN: May 31, 2008, 7-8 pm
  • March 26, 2008

    You MUST discuss your Bad Sex before MONDAY!

    The deadline for the "$33-and-a-third Bad Sex Rant Contest" is THIS MONDAY! We are looking for rants (i.e. personal essays) on the topic of MONSTROUSLY BAD SEX. * The author of the finest such rant will receive thirty-three-and-one-third dollars and publication on Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) as a "$33-and-a-third Meritorious Boon Winner." * There is NO entry or "reading" fee for any 33-and-a-third Contest. * Entries must be less than 3000 words, and comply with our normal Submissions Guidelines. * All entries are due NO LATER THAN MARCH 31, 2008. Full contest info: http://www.poormojo.org/contest.html Questions?: http://www.poormojo.org/contact.html Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) is a weekly online magazine offering fine prose, poetry, and advice from the Giant Squid: www.poormojo.org

    January 21, 2008

    I Have Found My Niche in the Gay Utopia

    As our dear Mojo did make to mention on Friday,...

    January 15, 2008

    Announcing a New Writing Contest with a CASH PRIZE!!!

    My Dearest Mojonauts, On behalf of Poor Mojo's Almanac(k), I am proud to announce the advent of a new system of perpetual writing contests: the "$33-and-a-third Meritorious Boons." Henceforth, these shall occur in series with deadlines thrice yearly, shall be free of entry fees, and shall pay out in cold, hard cash. The current contest seeks rants on the topic of "MONSTROUSLY Bad Sex", and accepts entries from now through March 2008. The winner shall receive recognition, publication, and thirty-three-and-one-third American dollars, to do with as he or she so chooses. Learn more: http://www.poormojo.org/contest.html Looking Forward to Your Tales of Bad Tail, Your Giant Squid Editor-in-Chief PMjA http://www.poormojo.org

    December 28, 2007

    Ask the Giant Squid: Of Superpowers And Powerball?

    [This entry shall dwell atop the page for several days;...

    December 01, 2007

    Ask the Giant Squid: An Arithmetic Exercise Most Offensive

    This entry shall dwell atop the page for several days;...

    November 29, 2007

    Ask the Giant Squid: Of Superpowers And Powerball

    [This entry shall dwell atop the page for several days;...

    November 03, 2007

    Ask the Giant Squid: A Happy Hallowed Eve?

    This week's Ask the Giant Squid column, reprinted from Poor...

    October 29, 2007

    Saw: Making Mayhem Tedious

    Why the Saw movies are perfect for middle managers. -...

    The Fifth Annual Poor Mojo's Bonanza Winner

    Dear and Dedicated Readers, Each year, as the 50th issue...

    September 29, 2007

    Ask the Giant Squid: Getting the Grip So As to Extricate from the Stuff

    Dear Giant Squid, I have a friend that is...

    September 28, 2007

    Are You a Fully Qualified Americanerro?

    New Test Asks: What Does %u2018American%u2019 Mean? - New York...

    August 04, 2007

    Ask the Giant Squid: I Have of Late, and Wherefore I Know Not, Lost All My Melodies

    Mr Squid: I used to turn on the radio...

    July 28, 2007

    Ask the Giant Squid: Direction for the Breaking Heart

    Dear Giant Squid, I can't help it, I'm in...

    June 30, 2007

    Ask the Giant Squid: What is "Teh Seksy"?

    Ask the Giant Squid: What is "Teh Seksy"? [Dear Giant...

    June 28, 2007

    Happy Juneteenth, Ladies!

    Man Sentenced For Enslaving Women - Local News Story -...

    June 07, 2007

    So Begins Endgame!

    Several of my Faithful Readers have drawn to my attention...

    April 14, 2007

    Ask The Giant Squid: the Heart of the Heart of the Question

    I have this friend. She likes me and I...

    November 01, 2006

    POOR MOJO'S ALMANAC(K) ISSUE 300 COMPLETED! 6 YEARS OF CEASELESS PROGRESS! IT IS TRULY THE DAWNING OF A MORE GOLDEN AGE!

    Faithful Poor Mojonerros, Auspicious day! We have officially completed our...

    September 22, 2006

    New CD from Almanac(k) Contributor

    PMjA contributor Wayne Wolfson informs us that his newest CD,...

    September 21, 2006

    Ask the Giant Squid: The Delicate Tastes of Hannity & Colmes

    Why is Fox News running a Citgo advertisement during...

    May 27, 2006

    Ask the Giant Squid: The Terrors of Falling and Rising

    Do you ever dream you are falling?...

    April 03, 2006

    I Proudly Introduce to You Sqidlims, Father of Squid-Hop!

    SQIDLIMS - free MP3 music downloads on SoundClick Sqidlims is...

    February 14, 2006

    Ask the Giant Squid: Plumbing the Mind of My George Double-Yew

    Squid, All President Bush did to get us started...

    February 07, 2006

    Ask the Giant Squid: Finally I Am Approached for Intelligent Debate on the Issues of the Day

    You liberals are the most pathetically intellectually-challenged form of...

    December 05, 2005

    Ask the Giant Squid: The Porn-o-graph

    what is porn? unsigned...

    October 25, 2005

    A Bold But Ghastly Fraud is Committed!

    Dutiful and loyal readers beware! The following posting on Mr....

    July 24, 2005

    Ask the Giant Squid: Gambling Upon Gamboling

    Will I win big if I go to Mike's...

    June 24, 2005

    Ask the Giant Squid: Damned Paparazzi!

    dear mr. squid my name is christie my teacher...

    May 16, 2005

    Ask the Giant Squid: Go for the Gustoicism

    Dear Giant Squid: How do you live? unsigned...

    May 09, 2005

    Ask the Giant Squid: Everything Gonna Be Alright

    is it going to be ok ?...

    April 30, 2005

    Ask the Giant Squid: Where in the World is Architeuthis dux?

    What oceanic zone do you live in?...

    April 26, 2005

    Ask the Giant Squid: Am I What I Am?

    are you a conarvor???...