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Drawn by Jimmy, age 6.
Giant Squid: Ask the Giant Squid: A Reporter Walks into a Bar (On a Guitar in the Keys; part one of three)
by the Giant Squid
Dear Giant Squid,
It is a disagreement in our group as to whether cheesecake is in fact a "cake" or a "pie." Please, Giant Squid, settle this argument for us.
The Prescriptive Bakers Union
It is fortunate that you bring thisquestion to one such as me, for I happened to own and operate, for a brief period, a popular little alcohol dispensary with cabaret functionality on No Name Key, in the string of islands reaching down from Florida's tip, and yearning to tickle Mexico in her moist and gulfish crevices.Fiction: Be A Man
by Eric Bennett
Begin the conversation by baring your throat, a sign of submission. Lower your eyes. Hide your contempt. Think bunny thoughts, mouse thoughts, and small, furry critter thoughts so he doesn't feel threatened. Let him know he can devour you in one bloodless gulp. This is the way to keep your job.Poetry: Egg
by Anthony Liccione
First to arrive to the scene all the kings horsemen and all the kings men, just looked upon the yolk shattered eggshell pieces and the slime of snot running down the wall and into a soul puddle—only to turn broken hearted knowing that their swords and knights were unable to bring unity and peace.Rant: History of the Necronomicon
by H.P. Lovecraft
Composed by Abdul Alhazred, a mad poet of Sanaá, in Yemen, who is said to have flourished during the period of the Ommiade caliphs, circa 700 A.D. ... Of his madness many things are told. He claimed to have seen a fabulous Irem, or "City of Pillars," and to have found beneath the ruins of a certain nameless desert town the shocking annals and secrets of a race older than mankind. He was only an indifferent Moslem, worshipping unknown entities whom he called Yog-Sothoth and Cthulhu.