Poor Mojo's Newswire: The Erotic(k) and Pornographic(k) Archives

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November 30, 2011

An incomplete list of euphemisms for Sexual Congress as combed from the Skyrim messageboards

It begins with Grey Asakura asking, "can you get it on with yo wife?" which is then reinterpreted endlesly as so: He wants to know if you can make sweet love down by the fire. He wants to go all Champion of Cyrodiil into her Oblivion gate. He wants to ravage her secret cave. He wants to use his mammoth tusk with her cauldron to make a love potion. He wants to plunder her treasure chest. He wants to put 2 points into destruction and give her the ol' blizzard. He wants to lap up her potion. He wants to give her a Devastating Blow with his two handed club. He wants to have sex with his wife. He wants to send her sky-high with his giant club. He clearly wants to put some of his raw ore into her red-hot smelter. He just wants to know if she'll enchant his rod to +6. He wishes to stuff his arrows into her quiver. He wants to Red Mountain all over her Morrowind. He wants to visit the throat of her world. He wants to spend hours circling her mountain crags, trying to get into her secluded cave entrance. He wants her to carry his burden. He wants to be fearsome with her mudcrab. He wants to stick his lockpick into her master lock. He wants her to capture his soul in her Azura's star. He wants to create a new character, but can't do it by himself. He wants to occupy her Wall Street. can you get it on with yo wife? - The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Message Board for Xbox 360 - GameFAQs

Posted in The Erotic(k) and Pornographic(k). Posted by Mojo at 01:51 AM | Permalink

November 06, 2011

Ask Reddit: What is your most awkward sex story?

Some of these are disgusting. Some are hilarious. I honestly can't stop reading. What is your most awkward sex story? : AskReddit

I was an inexperienced teenage kid and slept over at my girlfriends house for the first time. We were quite horny and a little drunk so we ended up having sex, we used a condom. After the business was over we had this condom to take care of. We didn't want to put it in the rubbish there because we were scared her parents would find it. We agreed that I would take it and throw it away somewhere on the street but since it was so nasty and slippery I wanted to put it in a bag or something and not directly into my pocket. She didn't have any plastic bags lying around so instead we put it into an envelope from the bank used to send stuff like accept giro's (like credit slips) to the bank. I stick the envelope into my jacket pocket and, after a while I go home. On my bike ride home I see my parents car at the end of the street coming towards me. I thought my parents would be pretty damn pissed since I didn't tell them I was sleeping over at my GF's house. Scared shitless and paranoid they would find the smudgy envelope and ask horrible questions, I look for a rubbish bin but see nothing but a mailbox. So I mailed the condom to the bank.... Sorry bankpeople tl;dr: mailed a condom to the bank.

(via Violet Blue)

Posted in The Erotic(k) and Pornographic(k). Posted by Mojo at 03:17 PM | Permalink

November 03, 2011

Malaysia bans Obedient Wives Club sex manual

Malaysia bans Obedient Wives Club sex manual | World news | The Guardian

The Malaysian government is to ban a sex manual written by the head of an Islamic sect that teaches women to "be submissive and keep their spouses happy in the bedroom", for fear it could cause religious confusion. In the 115-page book – entitled Islamic Sex – the founder of the Obedient Wives Club outlines her experiences of, and opinions on, marriage. It has passages on how couples should physically and spiritually approach sex, and claims that most women only satisfy 10% of their husbands' sexual needs. Club leaders, who argue that a wife should serve as a "good sex worker" and a "whore" to her husband, showed the book to journalists last month in an effort to dispel what they called misconceptions that it was obscene and demeaning to women. They said the book, which contains no explicit photographs, was intended to be a spiritual guide read exclusively by club members to help them better understand sex. Many Malaysians have denounced the club, saying it makes a mockery of modern gender roles in a country where women hold prominent posts in both the government and the private sector. . . .

Posted in The Erotic(k) and Pornographic(k). Posted by Mojo at 09:18 PM | Permalink