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August 28, 2010

The Ten Worst Masturbation Stories Ever

The 10 Worst Masturbation Stories We've Ever Heard
5. Adventures In Babysitting. This summer I was babysitting these two girls- the oldest five and the youngest three. I was dragging them in a wagon towards the ice cream store and the youngest was conspiciously quiet (this girl is non stop chatter even with strangers, inanimate objects, herself). Worried that she was sick I looked back to check on her and to my surprise her hand is down her pants and she is going at it. Had we not been in a crowded public place I would have ignored it, but instead I told her that now was not the time, that was something for her to do in private. She was a little put out but I got them each an extra scoop of ice cream so all was forgiven. Later that night, after their bath I'm dressing the youngest and I ask the oldest if she can choose her pajamas and get dressed. Out of the corner of my eye I notice she hasn't made a move toward her dresser so I turn toward her to ask again. She is spread eagle on her bed, with a brush handle up her butt. I shrieked! My mother is an ER nurse and is constantly coming home with sex stories gone awry, things getting stuck, puncturing important body parts so I'm just imagining all the terrible possibilities. "TAKE THAT OUT! TAKE IT OUT!" She does, confused and a little scared (I never scream at them). I'm running around with this brush now looking for rubbing alcohol when, of course, her parents come home. I look frantic. They assume I need the alcohol for an injury. I awkwardly explain what happened. While the mother gives her a stern lecture that this is, "not what Italian girls do!" The father and I stand awkwardly in the hallway, avoiding eye contact, me still holding the brush. I came back the next night to watch them, and the oldest daughter had made me an apology card. Which was really adorable. Until I noticed she had included a drawing of the scene.

August 26, 2010

The TRON-a-Sutra

Click through for instructional videos that show how randy programs can exchange data in a variety of poses and postures. SCORE With Tron-a-Sutra - NSFW -- Wonderment Blog *Via Violet Blue*

April 20, 2010

The librarian sex survey

WILL UNWOUND #78: “The 1992 Librarians and Sex Survey Results” by Will Manley -- Will Unwound
You asked for it; you got it! These are the results of the 1992 Librarians and Sex Survey that Wilson Library Bulletin refused to run. They did run the initial survey questionnaire in the June ’92 issue in my “Facing the Public” column and then fired me and destroyed the unsold copies of the magazine. Over 5.000 librarians sent in their questionnaires to me. Here are the results: . . . Question 7 – Sexual Harassment by a Patron 78% of the female respondents and 7 percent of the male respondents indicated that they had been sexually harassed by a library patron. . . . Question 13 – Shakespeare and “the 1st Time” When asked to pick the Shakespearean title that best described their first sexual encounter, 28% chose Comedy of Errors; 23% chose Midsummer’s Night Dream; 22% chose Much Ado About Nothing; 21% chose All’s Well That Ends Well; and 6% chose Rape of Lucrece. Question 14 – Genre Fiction and Sex Lives 38% of the respondents classified their sex life as a “romance”; 31% as a fantasy; 22% as a comedy, and 9% as a tragedy.