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September 24, 2012

48 Syrian Civilians Massacred During Claire Danes' Emmy Award Acceptance Speech

48 Syrian Civilians Massacred During Claire Danes' Emmy Award Acceptance Speech | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
According to sources in the war-torn country, 48 unarmed Syrians in the small town of Daraya were murdered by government forces while Homeland star Claire Danes accepted the award for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series at the 64th annual Primetime Emmy Awards Sunday evening. “This is just an incredible evening, and an incredible honor,” said Danes, proudly holding up her Emmy just as a group of innocent men, women, and children were reportedly thrown against a wall and executed one by one by Syrian troops wielding high-powered assault rifles. “I wouldn’t be up here right now if it wasn’t for the support of my wonderful family—I love you all more than anything—as well as the absolutely amazing writers, cast, and crew of this show. And, of course, Howard Gordon and Alex Gansa, who have the unbelievable courage to put such a fearless and daring show on television. Thank you so much.” At press time, government soldiers were throwing the bloodied corpses of the civilians into a large mass grave as Lena Dunham was anxiously waiting to hear if Girls would win the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series.

September 21, 2012

"Chicken of the Sea" EXPLAINED!

Likely much, much more than you think you need to...

This is almost certainly the most terrible thing you will read today

I'm not excerpting anything, because it's all pretty bad. The...

September 19, 2012

For anyone who thinks Detroit is doing better: Read This.

By law the mayor of Detroit has to meet with the people seven times a year--once in each of the seven supervisory districts in the city. It never goes well for Mayor Bing. Rage against the machine - Culture - Detroit Metro Times
This wasn't a gathering of frustrated residents voicing their concerns. It was a public flogging by a red-faced mob. The object of their outrage was cornered, their hostility was personal, and they were determined to make him suffer while they had him there. Sandra Hines, a 58-year-old community activist, stood and whipped the crowd up by launching a brutal volley of accusations, charges and insults at the mayor. "I listened to you on the radio and you made a statement about the city's been in this shape for 30 to 40 years, and why didn't people step forward in the 30 or 40 years," she thundered. "You've been here for 30 or 40 years, why didn't you step forward? You stepped forward when your business failed and you was looking for a job. You weren't concerned about Detroit, you weren't even living in Detroit, and you talk about what we've done? We've paid taxes, mayor, we provide the money. It's not our fault as citizens that people like you guys that we put in take the money and jack it and we don't get nothing from it!" Her rant brought the entire crowd to its feet in applause. One angry resident after another walked to the microphone. Not one of them had a kind thing to say about the thin, elderly man on the stage, who looked annoyed, yet shaken, as he sat there. His department heads sat slumped, faces sunken, as if withering under the weight of the crowd's wrath. At times, Bing seemed drained, and offered vague platitudes. "As you talk about blight in the neighborhood, there are plans to eliminate blight," he assured one resident, who was demonstrably not assured. Mostly, the crowd simply shouted complaints — about Belle Isle, about a state takeover, about abandoned homes and cuts to the police force. "I do not know what you can take away from us next," Valerie Glenn stated. "Our children are not being educated, we have no security, we have no streetlights, we have no food in this city. I don't know what is going on, but I am very concerned." "I love this city and you are destroying it," said Cecily McClelland. "Why don't you do us a favor and leave?" Lewis finally heard enough. "That was the last question, and that closes our public portion of the meeting." He announced that the mayor would make his closing comments. But the crowd wouldn't stop yelling. Then the mayor rose to his feet, his staff stood up, and they all walked into the back room, out the door, into their cars and drove off. And that was it. He'd been there less than an hour.