From a library security guard who caught a patron tearing out pictures of Jessica Biel in a swimsuit:
Me: Why rip them out, we have copiers.
DA: Because she is evil and should not be in those magazines. I need to destroy them to reverse her love spell on me.
Me. OK. If you say so. You understand that you are destroying city property and you will be charged for it?
DA: NO. You cannot charge me, I am destroying the Evil of Biel!!!!
Me: OK....please place your hands behind your back....