A holiday for sluttiness - Los Angeles Times
There are dozens and dozens of idiotic statements, assumptions and conclusions in this article. It's like gazing full on into the face of woman-hating stupidity.
Holidays are for children and conservatives. And the one holiday that is still just for kids -- free of campaigns to replace Santa with creches, painted eggs with crucifixes, fireworks with flag lapel pins -- has been ruined by the rest of the adults.
This year, I was invited to six Halloween parties, which would not be strange if it weren't for the fact that I'm older than 12. Meanwhile, I was invited to zero New Year's Eve parties last year. People vastly prefer Halloween parties because New Year's Eve involves dressing up like an adult, whereas Halloween involves dressing up like a slut.
I understand that the masquerade ball is a classic that faded away, and that people need an opportunity to hide behind a mask in order to safely express their hidden selves. It makes sense that once a year I get to peek into your psyche and find out whether you think of yourself as a whore nurse, a whore pirate, a whore angel or a whore whore.
. . .
There's no chance that harrumphing will return Halloween to the innocent and carefree days of threatening neighbors who don't give you candy and vandalizing trees with toilet paper. So we need to invent a separate holiday when adults can get drunk and finally wear that pair of boots that seemed OK in the store but it turns out go up a little higher than you thought.
That's why, after much research and consultation, I have founded our nation's newest holiday: Slut Day.
Just to get the ball rolling, let's see how many things we can find wrong with Joel Stein's column:
1. He believes that sexy = slutty
2. He believes that somehow looking sexy is a Bad Thing
3. He believes that everyone has children, or if they don't they shouldn't do anything at all to celebrate
4. He believes that Halloween started as a children's holiday
5. He believes there was an innocent time way back when people didn't look sexy and everyone focused on the kids.
6. He believes that men can't sexy. Seriously. And I guess has never heard of David Beckham or the cast of Ocean's 11.
Feel free to join in by posting in the comments. Bonus question: What do you think Stein thinks the role of a woman in society is?
