Poor Mojo's Newswire

The fire at the Grand View Topless Coffee Shop was reported just before 1 a.m. by an ambulance that happened to be driving past.

The state fire marshal's office concluded it was arson after investigators, aided by a specially trained dog, sifted through the shop's ruins. Officials would not say how or where the fire started, but said evidence was taken to the state police crime lab for analysis.

The coffee shop featured waiters and waitresses without shirts serving coffee and doughnuts. Owner Donald Crabtree had met Tuesday night with planning officials to discuss adding a disc jockey, expanding parking and extending the hours of operation.

The former executive director of the Oh Day Aki/Heart of the Earth school, Joel Pourier, appeared in court Monday on charges of embezzling $1.38 million from the school for American Indian children and spending it on houses, cars and nights at strip clubs.

. . .

The criminal complaint details an elaborate hoax: From 2003 to 2008, Pourier allegedly forged school officials' signatures on dozens of checks and transferred money to at least six bank accounts under his control.

As the embezzlement persisted, the school "routinely did not have enough money to finance field trips, supplies, computers or textbooks for the students," the complaint says. Eventually, "the defendant's embezzlement and mismanagement finally led to the closing" of the school last summer, when the Minneapolis School District revoked its charter.

Let's set the scene:
It's Friday night at the Lexington. It's part dollar-margarita hour, and Tanya is working hard to deliver booze to everyone. MGMT's "Electric Feel" has played no less than three times, and chairs and tables are strewn in all the wrong places. A dog is at the bar, leaning up with its paws and looking about attentively, as if to be served a drink (it does not receive one, however).

You're a short-haired, dyed-blonde femme in ebony heels and a silky black and white dress, belted at the waist. You have long, dangling black earrings, a cascading series of stones that looks relatively stylish and upper-class. You are also *really* trashed -- at one point, you interrupt me in conversation with my housemate (as I'm pulling up pictures of Marie Fredriksson, from Roxette, to show my housemate so that I can explain to her that my childhood favourite band has caused me to be into dykey chicks) to say that you need to get by. No sweat. In fact, I'd been eyeing you for a while, and I compliment you on your hair, because it really did look quite good.

"Thanks," you smile, and as you walk off to the bathroom, you let slip, "..you're really cute."