This new app lets you pretend like you're having awesome fun while you're actually at home or at work
A hilarious social hacking of our hipster media streams.
Check out that final quote for a chillingly hilarious look at the Onion future we will all be living in.
Everyone is out having a great time — no, not just great, an amazing time — and you’re on the couch, hovering on the border between pajamas and underwear. Suddenly, the quick, the beautiful and the fully dressed invade: chirps from phones and pop-ups on screens are announcing their social media check-ins, mapping out the lands of awesome times. None of those places, needless to say, are your living room.
Dude0357 has arrived at a loft on Ten Eyck Street, and an arrow onscreen helpfully points out a corner of East Williamsburg succulent with possibility. Goddess0577 has just hit the brand-new Unnamed-Unaddressed-Unmarked Bar whose absolute invisibility has made it the hottest place in the Mission district of San Francisco.
These, said Justin Isaf, 29, are just the kinds of virtual anxiety pellets that torment a contented couch potato, whose big exertion of the evening might be finding a clean-enough cup to finish off the half bottle of wine from the day before yesterday that is still drinkable, kind of. “People check into coffee shops, then they tweet pictures of the patterns in the coffee foam,” Mr. Isaf said. “Someone tweeted, ‘Hey, I’m hanging out onstage with the Lumineers!’ ”
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Now Mr. Fountain, Mr. Isaf and two other friends have come up with an app to ease this malady. Called CouchCachet, the app finds all the coolest places in your neighborhood, then automatically uses Foursquare to check you into them — with none of the irritation of actually leaving the couch.
It is, Mr. Fountain said, “a social application that will lie and say you are already doing those things while you sit at home in your pajamas. It’s the only application that increases your social status, while you do nothing at home.”
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More than simply creating a geo-mirage, CouchCachet will also tweet lyrics by indie bands that people haven’t heard of. “It will wax poetic about local microbrews that you just discovered at some cool speakeasy,” said Mr. Fountain, 36, of Cobble Hill, Brooklyn. “It will also upload low-fi pictures of 20-somethings in skinny jeans to your Instagram.”
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Suppose, someone asked, a friend using CouchCachet was checked into the same places that CouchCachet has also checked you into? “This is fine!” Mr. Fountain said. “This is robots talking to robots. This is the future.”