« Michele Bachmann doesn't know what "submission" means | Main | The BBC thinks any picture linked by someone on Twitter is public domain »

Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) Classic issue #440 (published June 25, 2009): "Wolves are suckers"

This post will remain here for one day. Scroll down for new news.

Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) Classic issue #440 (published June 25, 2009)
Wolves are suckers

Giant Squid: Ask the Giant Squid: The Squid-Man of Alcatraz (Squidapalooza; part three of three) by the Giant Squid

. . . Dear, Dear Jose,

When I first composed my answer to your linguistic query, I told you of my time in San Francisco after The War and the complicated speakeasy my cousin, Albert, operated in the labyrinths below Chinatown. His speakeasy, you will recall, was appellated "Squidapalooza."

Then, when that answer did not satisfy your curiosity I told you of how mysterious robéd peoples chased myself and the ill-fit detective John Tichy from the speakeasy and down to the waterfront, whereby a remarkably nimble Tichy effected an escape and I was captured, these same assailants purloining from me a mysterious key Tichy had entrusted to my care . . .

Fiction: The Tea Party by RoAnna Sylver

No thank you; I just ate my husband this morning." Violetta waved away the proffered plate of hors d'oeuvres and sat back, discreetly massaging her midsection.

"Third one this week, I'd be stuffed too!" the hostess barked a gleeful and entirely false guffaw, moving down the table to her next guest. . . .

Poetry: Unabashed Dictator of the Last Great Banana Republic by Marc Vincenz

Witness: the trauma of birth,
doctor slaps you straight in to life—stirrings deep within,
mind awakens to brightness; ogle eyes roll, pupils dilate,
irises contract: a photographer without a focal point,
zooming in, then out; out of sight, out of mind. Until,
one day, everything looks real: hard, solid and focused. . . .

Rant: A Few Words on Etiquette by Edgar Allan Poe

It is a matter of some slight surprise to me that in these days, full of improvement as they have been and certainly are, the science of etiquette should be so little cultivated by the mass of the people. I have, therefore, in an idle moment, ventured to lay down the following suggestions for a proper bearing in society, which may be found useful to the uninitiated. . . .