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Ask the Giant Squid: When the Bell Has Been Rung One Cannot Unring It, But Only Wait for the Knell to Fade

Poor Mojo's Squid

In this week's "Ask the Giant Squid," he is asked about rumors, the spreading thereof, and consequences. Then he engages in a bit of science.

Dear Giant Squid,

Ok my friend started a rumor about me and now a whole bunch of people want to beat me up.

Sean Benton

Dear Sean,

I can claim mastery of many topics, fields and sciences. I contain in my bulging headsac an intellect equivalent to dozens of your monkey-spawned, mud-chewing, textile-enshrouded geniuses. I have built machines that command the weather, machines which permit me to stride godishly across your lands, machines which twist your shallow intellects as easily as a mesomorphic Dutch boy pulls taffy. And yet I am unfamiliar with the mechanics of the rumor.

Like all Natural Philosophers, I often find it necessary to engage in a posteriori research afore composing my advice as to the most appropriate course of action. Which is to say, that to give advice concerning the spreading of rumors and their consequences, I must need first to spread rumors myself, and to observe their consequences.

As the subject of my research I chose my faithful, feckless lab assistant, Rob. Listless and slump-shouldered he has been, in conjunction with a wan complexion and disturbing dearth of the braggadocio.

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(Full disclosure: the Giant Squid is my editor-in-chief.)