Poor Mojo Newswire

My Friendly Pornquirer,

There are two pertinent metrics in the matter of the porn-o-graph:

FOR FILM/VIDEO RECORDINGS, LIVE PERFORMANCES, ETC.: If the ratio of plot to action (measured in minutes, with plot-forwarding-action counted in the plot tally) dips below 1:2, then that which you are viewing is most certainly of the porn.

FOR THE STILL IMAGES, TABLEAUX, ETC.: If the female subjects lose their heads, it is art. If the male subjects lose their heads, it is porn.

This suggests that, perhaps, an-easy-to-reference Cartesian graph might be constructed, with the Non-Porno upon the Y-axis and the Truly-Hardcore-Porno (predictably) upon the X-axis.

Please continue to watch my weekly column for further details on the development, form and function of such a porn-o-graph.

I Remain,
Your Giant Squid