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Incoherent and intolerant-- what a combination!
Giant Squid: Ask the Giant Squid: This I Resolve
by the Giant Squid
The Giant Squid, Editor-in-Chief, PMjA: ON THE BALANCE, I REGRET HAVING TORN THE HAND FROM THE LIVING ARM OF A RUSSIAN GANGSTER BEFORE THE WIDE EYES OF HIS WEEPING WIFE AND FASCINATED CHILDREN, AS MANY, MANY READERS HAVE VOICED DISAPPROVAL IF THE ACTION, AND FOX 2 PROBLEM SOLVERS LABELLED MY "A TERRIBLE MENACE WITH UNCLEAR TAX STATUS." IN THE COMING YEAR, I WILL LIKEWISE REFRAIN FROM TEARING HANDS OFF OF ANYONE IN THE PRESENCE OF THEIR YOUNG, THEIR SPOUSES, THEIR YOUNG SPOUSES, OR THE SPOUSES OF THEIR YOUNG.Fiction: One Day on Earth
by Rhonda Parrish
"Is this one of your pranks?" Morgan demanded.
Reginald sat up slowly, wincing at the bolt of lightning that ripped through his skull. Was this one of his pranks? It seemed unlikely but last night had been one hell of a bender, it was possible—No, no way. Something like this would take loads of preparation and money; he'd remember the money at least. "Hell no mate, this ain't no prank."
"Jesus, Reggie, we're going to die."Poetry: The Wind is a Bellows
by Pamela Tyree Griffin
The wind is a bellows
blowing off first my scarf then my hat.
My head is altogether naked.
I make my way up the path,
past the willow trees leaning
alongside the lake as if at rest.Rant: International Relations
by David Erik Nelson
This past August my wife, toddler, and I were invited to attend a wedding in Costa Rica (I'm including the link because many, many Americans—including basically anyone who answers a phone at the US State Department—believe Costa Rica is a Caribbean island. I don't fault anyone for not knowing where a tiny Central American country is, I just don't want you to feel stupid later.) The bride was one of my wife's high school pals—a West Michigan girl, like my wife—and the groom a Costa Rican lawyer she'd met while studying international law in England (globalization of the heart!) At the wedding we were seated at a table consisting of all of the bride's gringo lawyer friends and a very nice tico[*] couple: the wife was a lawyer at the groom's father's law offices (incidentally, the groom's father is also a radio personality and former Attorney General; he literally wrote the book on Costa Rican administrative law), and her spouse was an industrial engineer. The tico couple were very nice, despite having been stranded at a table with five gringo lawyers who had about a cantina-menu's worth of Spanish among them, and were all travelling together, sharing hotel rooms and a tiny Chevy Tracker 4-by-4; the gringos' rapidly forming feuds and alliances were unstable and volatile. Although this was stimulating to observe, you felt like you should be handling the situation with tongs and a rubberized lab apron.