Poor Mojo's Two Minute Hate

So, the conference was supposed to begin on Friday, around noon. Just to be safe, I decided to leave--along with my partner in crime, Michelle--early Thursday, just in case there were any problems with the flight.

Oh, the bitter irony...

So, we get there early and Jet Blue tells us that our 6:30 pm flight has been delayed six hours but will leave a little after midnight. "It's going to take a while," the smiling attendant told us, "But we'll get you there eventually."

Okay. Now see if you can guess how this story ends...

That's right! Shortly after midnight, Jet Blue announced that the delayed flight was now cancelled. Hurray for Number None!!!

People were pretty angry, I can tell you. Something about waiting in the airport for six hours for no goddamn reason really kind of upset everyone.

Huh?...

ollowing Hardaway's initial remarks on Wednesday ("I hate gay people. I let it be known, I don't like gay people. I don't like to be around gay people.") the NBA canceled an "NBA legend" appearance by the former point guard at the YMCA of Southern Nevada as well as his participation in events surrounding this weekend's All Star game in Las Vegas.

Hardaway has also been dumped as spokesman for Baldguyz, a company that makes grooming products for bald men, according to the Miami Herald.

Since I started drawing comics in 1997, I’ve met a LOT of talented people through various collaborations, conventions and random run-ins/knife fights. Over the years, I’ve watched as many of these friends of mine have gone from grubby indy startups to “overnight” success stories and even mainstream fan-favorites. So, when I was asked to write a column for this fine site, I decided reflect upon all those talented friends I’ve made over the years and finally let something off my chest.

I hate them.

I mean, not in a “I-detest-you-with-the-fury-of-a-thousand-suns” kinda of way… More of a “I’m-a-very-petty-insecure-person-and-wish-you’d-have-
an-accident-that-prevents-you-from-being-so-awesome” kind of hate. I can’t help it.

What makes New Orleans so different that fellow Americans have no qualms about ignoring pleas and/or mocking the plight of the ravaged city?

In his State of the Union Address on Jan. 23, George W. Bush made not one comment on the still-ongoing effort to rebuild New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. I noted this on my blog yesterday, receiving the following comment in response:

What would otherwise be a relatively quiet and peaceful experience has been destroyed by the incessant repetition of this disembodied voice at the end of the walkway. Two things about this absurd situation really grate on me.

First, no doubt the only reason this bit of noise pollution is being forced on every person sitting at my gate is because some enterprising lawyer successfully sued some airport at one point after their oblivious dumbass client fell on his face at the end of some moving walkway.

Second, this is just terrible design. Would it have been that hard to install a sensor near the end of each walkway such that the Voice of Caution would only be triggered if there were actually someone on the walkway?

“I hate you, Kenny.”

Kenny accidentally lights himself on fire & dies about 5 minutes later.

If I’m ever standing next to Peyton Manning in a similar situation, I would turn and face #18, look into those big, goofy eyes of his, and say in the exact same way:

“I hate you, Peyton.”

Then I would check on him 5 minutes later, in the hopes that he had burst into flames....

How many reasons do I have to hate the starting quarterback of the Indianapolis Colts? You’d be better off asking me how many waves there are in the Pacific Ocean, or how many stars there are in the sky. Countless. I could go on forever. But since I don’t have forever, I’ll have to settle for posting as many reasons as I can between now and the AFC Title Game this Sunday.

And in most cases, it will eventually turn into a RANT session about how hard it is to find good men to date…

Which will lead to a FULL-ON RAG SESSION about men in general…

…And wind up with a detailed list of all the traits guys have that are ANNOYING AS HELL...

So take heart in the idea that you’re about to learn something that most men on this planet will DIE not knowing.

My hope is that what I’m about to share with you will change how you interact with women FOREVER… and help you meet and date more of the kinds of women you’re interested in.

I washed my sheets last night and hung them out to dry. This morning, he came by as the grass was getting a tad too long for MIL's liking. It rained over the weekend. Niasing, that idiot, went ahead and cut the grass without taking my sheets down.

But the real culture of hate, an entire society that celebrates, elevates and has even built an industry around hate is much closer to us than the lands of Sunnis and Shiites. In fact, compared to the American culture of hate, the Arabs are neophytes at best.

In America, hate is even chic and trendy. It can be mass market but it can also be elitist. There are blogs that celebrate hate as an emblem of superiority, encouraging and fueling it. Millions of Americans slavishly follow gossip mongers in all media lusting for the latest blood feud as if little is more satisfying or fashionable than celebrity role models and icons going after each other's throats. At the Grammys we award Rappers who have turned hate into an entire entertainment industry.

“I call on you not to hate because hate does not leave space for a person to be fair and it makes you blind and closes all doors of thinking,” the letter said....

“Dear faithful people,” Mr. Hussein added, “I say goodbye to you, but I will be with the merciful God who helps those who take refuge in him and who will never disappoint any honest believer.”...

Some Iraqis said Mr. Hussein should be hanged immediately, but others feared Iraq's bloodletting could escalate if the former dictator is executed at a time when sectarian attacks are already on the rise.

“Executing him now is dangerous. The situation is very bad. Things need to be calmer,” said Saadia Mohamed Majed, a 60-year-old Shiite in Baghdad who wants the penalty to be postponed for at least three years. Shiites endured persecution under Mr. Hussein and his fellow Sunni Arab leaders, and many are eager to remove a symbol of the old regime....

An expert on war crimes speculated the sentence might be carried out very quickly.

“I won't be surprised if there's just an announcement in several days saying the sentence has been carried out. The ruling says the sentence has to be carried out within 30 days, but it doesn't say you need to wait,” said Michael Scharf, a professor at Case Western Reserve University School of Law.

3. Bill O’Reily going nuts about a politically correct Christmas.

6. Flash e-Christmas cards

7. When you have to buy someone’s Christmas present from 7-Eleven on the way to their house because you forgot about them.

8. When everyone ignores your online Amazon wish list (and buys you something that looks like it came from 7-Eleven).

2. The over-enthusiastic bathroom attendents: You go to take a piss, and while you are peeing, they bring you a piece of tissue, and place it on the divider between you and the next urinal, so, you know, you can wipe your hand after you, well, shake it off. Dude, I am gonna wash my hands anyway, so why are you handing me a tissue?

3. The West-el-Balad followers:Knowing that they can't come up with new good stuff, they refuse to release an album, opting instead to only play live-venues, thus ensuring that you get to hear those 3 [good] songs you like only at their concerts.... Dear West-el-Balad fan, you are getting milked dry by a bunch of washed-up musicians and you are loving it. Congratu-fuckin-lations, kid. You are a fuckin Moron.

4. The Nile FM DJ's: Hi, I am a no-body DJ from London. I suck so much, I couldn't find any other job other than being a DJ for Nile FM, where it doesn;t matter that I suck.... I usually boast to my friends back home of how I am working the peak houres in Cairo's #1 english-radio music station, but I forget to mention that we are Cairo's only english-radio music station...

5. The rabid non-fans: Last but not least, ladies and gentlemen, i present to you the Sandmonkey non-fans. Now, the fact that you care so much about what yours truly writes warms my heart, but it also pisses me off, because I hate delusional people, and if you read me every day, then you know you like me.

As the holiday season is upon us, I've been thinking of the ultimate "fuck you" gift: the one that keeps on giving anguish and annoyance. The ideal is one that does not insult upon opening, that, in fact, seems like a great gift until living with it for a couple months. Examples:

- For kids: a super-cute plush toy that they love and that incessantly repeats the same phrase (think Barney, "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family"), rendering the parents insane;

- For adults: an organizer that charts their successes and sends daily (hourly?) reminders on progress; the end result is that they feel like a loser.

There is a great deal about atheists that does not make sense. Unfortunately, they are starting to get organized and spread their evil creed. While once these were a minority whose absurd comments got very little traction in the mainstream media, we now live in a world where secular thinking threatens to take over America.

Ten years ago if I had suggested to you that America was in the grip of an evil atheist conspiracy you might not have taken me seriously. Today emboldened atheists like “The Uncredible Hallq” (a.k.a. Chris Hallquist) proudly display their involvement with a conspiracy which is undeniably real.

You are a prick!

There was no weather, no rain, no wind, no slick roads, no houses, and no kids nearby. You were however, well hidden, in the dark, and between some trees. ... You intentionally put us all in danger to collect a $150. ... How do you feel about being minimized to the role of local tax collector - that is essentially what you are when you hide in the bushes and dispense tickets like Halloween candy. Was your life worth 13 miles per hours over the limit? How about the fact that I was a few feet away from only being 3 miles per hour over the limit? Evidently, I place a greater value on my family's life than you do of your own. All of this for $150? Give me a fuckin' break!

Now for the really pissed off part. You scared the shit out of my 2 year old - the one that was balling in the back seat when you approached my window - yeah that one. The one that was screaming, "bright light, bright light, I don't wike it". To top it all off, you wouldn't even turn down your 44349 kazillion watt light that blasted into my truck - even after I asked very politely and kindly as a favor for my daughter.

You are one classy son of a bitch. Fuck You, you life endangering tax collector.

Most of my complaints have to do with their refusal to integrate their Jungian shadow selves, the clothes and the hair. (Mostly the hair.) Plus, I find some of their ways a little, um, precious. My friend Cos (a hippie if ever there was one) will tell me about someone she knows from the Rainbow Gathering: “So Sister Floating Feather was saying…” and I interrupt. “What’s her real name?” I say rudely.

“Her Rainbow name is Sister Floating Feather,” Cos says, firmly standing her ground.

Loud theatrical sigh. “I mean, what name did her parents give her when she was born?”

“Oh. Jennifer.”

I had the looks, I had the charm and I had my eye on this pretty young thing who was doing an internship for a competing paper.

It took me nearly two months of running into each other at various news events before I worked up the nerve to begin talking to her.

And then Obama shows up....

After about five questions from different television and newspaper reporters, I stood up to ask mine.

“Wait a minute son, this is for professional media only,” Obama said to me.

“What do you mean? I work for the local paper,” I said with a crackling nervous voice.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were a college student. You have such a baby face,” he said with an unremorseful grin.

Remembered that girl who I was trying to get with, well she was sitting next to me and guess what she was doing?

I'm with Steven R on this one:

...What will it take for James Carville to shut the fuck up and recognize credit where credit is due. Howard Dean's 50 State Strategy has been vindicated by the across the board election victories this cycle. Harold Ford is one of the LONE LOSERS of 11-7. I like the guy, but I don't like where he stands on Issues, and I hate the idea of putting a Loser in place to head the DNC when we finally have a winner. James Carville is a fucking tool idiot of the corporate media and DLC Elites...

At least, that's how he plays out on record. On his just-released second album, Doctor's Advocate, he's proudly P.O.M.E. (product of my environment) and pomo, a conscious throwback to the West Coast gangsta rap of the late '80s and early '90s that he loves enough salute with a chest tattoo (his right fist in the picture above obscures much of his "N.W.A." ink). A small part of me wants to stand up and cheer on principle -- I admire someone who goes to pains to preserve the legacy of what they love. ...If I applaud the Game in principle, I find myself practically recoiling in response to so much of what he says. ...

As long as hip-hop, like huge-selling hip-hop (link via Nova), is going to be so backward and not just hateful but matter-of-factly hateful to women, there should be someone pointing it out, screaming and crying bullshit all along the way. In other words: if hip-hop can't get over its hatred of women, why should I have to? So why is no one talking about this?

My university's Information Technology (IT) department.

Obviously the scenario is ridiculous, no one would expect to be charged extra because of something they might do with said equipment. ... Oddly enough, that is precisely what is happening with the Zune, though instead of hitting you with the fee at the register the tax on illegal usage will be hidden in the price tag.

Here’s the situation: Microsoft has agreed to pay a portion of the profits from the sales of the Zune to a record company (Universal) because the Zune will undoubtedly be used to store unpurchased songs.

Inspectors from the state fire marshal's office gave the band the no-drinking order when they came to look over the pyrotechnics planned for Monday's scheduled concert at the Cumberland County Civic Center, said Stephen McCausland, spokesman for the Maine Public Safety Department.

McCausland said the band had wanted to drink beer, wine and Jagermeister while performing. A couple of hours after being told that would violate state law, Guns N' Roses canceled its concert, he said.

"They were raising slogans, ‘Muslim terrorists,’” explained Shahid Amber, a victim of a hate crime. “[They] started cursing me, [saying] go back to your country, scum bags, you just messed this country up and all that."...

“One of them, he spit on my face,” said Amber. “As I was cleaning my face, I see a punch coming on my face with a brass knuckle.”

Amber was treated for a number of injuries, including a broken nose, and soon after, the police arrested five teens, all of them Jewish, and charged them with assault as a hate crime....

He later fell thru the ceiling into another room, where he was arrested.

Lt. Chris Bertram of the Salt Lake County Sheriff’s office says he’s a very dangerous person and that’s why he was public enemy number one.

“It was some of the things he was engaged in,” says Bertram. “He was a member of a white supremacist gang. He had made statements that he wasn’t willing to go back to prison. There was information gathered that he had armed himself. Anytime you have a felon armed with a parole warrant that’s a dangerous combination.

The protagonist is a gay man who posed in a straight role because he felt the gay part of himself was "repulsive and dark." Despite tricking a woman into marriage and achieving enormous success in a field that demanded spotless heterosexuality, privately Ted did not have an easy time maintaining his big lie. He had evil thoughts that led to evil actions, and Ted was forced to declare war on himself. He considered those fleeting moments when he repressed who he really was to be times of "victory" and "freedom." Ted also declared war on other people like him by leading literally millions to reject gays as equals and even to specifically shove their second-class status in their queer faces....

I'm not sure this story will satisfy certain strict academic definitions of tragedy however, because there will probably be no recognition by the protagonist of his "fatal flaw." But that only makes the hero more pitiful.

Named by Time Magazine as among the "25 most influential evangelicals in America", Mr Haggard reportedly talks regularly with President George Bush or his advisors. He was credited with encouraging Christians to vote for Mr Bush in his 2004 re-election.

The pastor supported a proposed amendment to the Colorado constitution, that will be on next week's ballot, defining marriage as between a man and a woman, a "wedge issue" with which the Republicans hope to galvanise their supporters.

Why the permaban? Well, according to various claims in the threads, a bunch of the guild members used hacks to run through walls to C'Thun as opposed to fighting the trash mobs and the bosses along the way. Of course, there are a couple more rumors in the forums about what really happened, as tends to be the case with all forum drama.

If the wall hack is true...damn. All those incredibly geared players are just gone! It was stupid to try a hack like that to save time, and Blizzard more than dropped the hammer on them for doing it.